So How Is Married Life?

Somewhat inevitably after 3 months of marriage I have lost count of the number of times I've been asked "How Is Married Life?" There are plenty of jokes and anecdotes floating around about how everything gets worse after your wedding day, particularly from my ever-positive colleagues! However I am yet to fully comprehend that point of view because quite honestly I think things have got much much better since April.

Family time at Copacabana

Now before you cry out that it's only been 3 months I am fully aware of that! But it has been 3 months without the stresses of planning every tiny detail for a massive day, planning for visits, entertaining people or worrying about cricket selections and matches. There is now less arguing, less stress and we have both relaxed into our lives as Mr and Mrs Carter. We both thoroughly enjoyed having my family and friends over from England and we wish they were here permanently though we realise the reasons why this is not the case, and day-to-day life has since settled down. It truly was the best day of our lives but I think we are both glad that it is finally done.

The majority of the credit for planning the wedding has to go to Jess, she knew what she wanted and for the most part, she got it. It wasn't simply a case of me sitting back and letting her do everything and there were a few disagreements along the way. Through it all we never lost sight of what exactly the day meant to us and why we were doing this, and no-one can tell me that our day wasn't a complete success. Perhaps we are still riding the wave of euphoria off the back of the wedding? Perhaps all the difficulties in planning made the day seem so perfect in the end? I did write a blog a week after the wedding but forgot to post it. You can read it here or just scroll down!

For all the bad stories and the jokes there must be an underlying reason why so many people do this, why marriage is still so "popular". It's not a competition, it is a very individual thing. Not everyone is meant to get married, not everyone should. This may sound sanctimonious of me but I think I was right to propose to Jess a year after meeting her.  I think I was right to marry her. I was convinced from almost the very start that she was the one and I was more than confident that she shared the same life values I did. Quite clearly, if either one of us didn't think that was the case we wouldn't be married.

I guess it is also inevitable that the other line of questions has followed closely, namely "So when are you planning to have kids?" Answer: We want to get our own house first. Once again I have lost count of that question, but I'm sure we'll hear it more and more until we do have a child. And then it'll be "(When) will you have another?" This is human nature, and thus normal. It's what we have to look forward to. To answer the original question, How Is Married Life? It's perfectly normal, and that is why it is so great.

Family: It means the world

A Moment My Whole Life Had Been Leading Up To

(Written 28th April 2015)

We've been told it a million times; "Every girl dreams about her wedding day". But I'll let you in on something; Most guys do too. Although the planning of our big day involved a great deal of stress, little disagreements, unforeseen circumstances and difficulty in even getting to this stage I can safely say that it has all been worth it. It has only been a week or so since I married my bride and I am still riding the wave of euphoria that comes with it but with hindsight I don't think I'd really want to change a thing about it.

Finally getting married

Sometimes you have to sit back, take stock and really think about what you have done. I have found myself doing that in the last few weeks as it really beggars belief the journey I have taken to get here. Aged 20 my visit here seemed like nothing more than a gap year to go play some cricket and have plenty of fun like a 20 year old should, it turned into the best time of my life to date. Two years later in late 2008 my world was turned upside down and put me into a deep deep depression and paranoia that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and it continued well into 2009 before I was dragged back out to Sydney.

Still dealing with the issues from afar, in December 2009 I went to a beach party at The Ranch and met Jess. Nothing that night suggested either of us would be where we are now or that we would do what we have done. As we got to know each other more it became clear that there was something special between us, but the knowledge that we were from opposite sides of the globe was a hurdle neither of us knew how to jump at that stage.

Leaving Sydney that second time was amongst the hardest things I'd had to do, luckily things soon began to take shape and Jess came to the UK. Trips to Paris, Newcastle and London while struggling to get a job back at Flybe, 6 months apart working any job I could get my hands on, a relationship truly tested by distance. Once I knew she was coming back to England I had to propose. It's hard to describe but when I decided I was going to propose I knew that Jess would say yes. If I thought there was the slightest chance she'd say no I would not have proposed. You know when you have found that Special One, cliché or not.

London, England, 27th December 2010. A country brought to a halt for most of the previous week by heavy snow, an Australian girl coming from 30℃ Sydney to temperatures below freezing and more than likely jet-lagged at the same time! An opportunistic moment to pop a life-changing question beneath a world famous landmark such as the London Eye. Yes, yes, YES! A little over a year from meeting, and fresh from a 6 month period apart we were engaged. You just know when it's right, I'm telling you.

I love Devon to this day but not a single bone in my body regrets leaving. It may have taken until March 2013 for me to do so but I haven't looked back. I couldn't get back to Flybe and there were people there with agendas to stop me from doing so, but I don't regret trying while I was there. Perhaps deep down they knew as everyone else did that I was destined to be with Jess in Australia. The only thing I regret about leaving is that my family can't be within easy reach but modern technology being what it is I can speak with them every day if I like.

London Taxi's in front of
Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Our engagement and wedding summed up beautifully

It came around eventually, I married Jess on Saturday 18th April 2015 in one of the world's most beautiful locations. To be joined by my parents, sister, nieces, uncles, aunts, cousins and friends from both England and Australia left me extremely humbled that there are people out there that want us to succeed. And to have the love and support from both families and sets of friends is mind-blowing.

I found myself looking around on that Saturday at the Ceremony taking it all in. My beautiful new wife, the Sydney Harbour Bridge and Opera House, the friends and relatives from Devon and Cheshire, the Australian family of mine meeting their English cousins for the first time, all because of us... And staring at the ring on my finger. I pondered the scene and suddenly I didn't feel like a young adult anymore. I really felt like a man, like I had entered a new role. I flashed back to the little kid in Fringford, Oxfordshire that struggled to make friends at school; to the teenager at South Dartmoor with the same struggles; to a lifetime of visits to Cheshire in my Grandparents dining room, and excursions with Grandad to Manchester Airport. And yet somehow that same kid had grown into this, into a Husband with a responsibility and previous burdens left behind.

It has been impressed on me by my Grandfather from an early age that of his grandchildren I am the only male bearing the Carter name, and so it is up to me to continue it. The biggest wrench of the day was that my Grandparents were not healthy enough to have made the trip from Cheshire to Sydney in order to celebrate the day with us. Whether anyone believes it or not I have always wanted to make them proud, probably more so than my own parents. And while there are things about me they may not be proud of (I do swear a lot and they are NOT Michael Jackson fans!) I would like to think that my achievements and my more meaningful actions have.

So Grandad, I am proud to have added Jess to our family tree. Given our story so far I have no reason to think that our future is anything other than bright. It may be a few years yet but I hope that you believe the future of our family name is in good hands. Please trust me when I say that I am just as proud of that family name as you are.

Thank you all for sharing our special day

The Sorry State Of English Cricket

Is anyone really surprised at England's dismal showing at the Cricket World Cup? Did anyone really expect England to be world beaters? The self destruct button has been firmly glued down since the beginning of the last Ashes series, and rather than look around for examples of solutions the good old ECB have decided they will do things their way. Well, look where that's got them. It's been expected of many England sporting sides over the years that we can compete with the best, but crash to inexplicable defeats. England's cricket sides however, have always been expected to lose the plot at any moment. Test match series defeat to New Zealand in 1999 left England bottom of the rankings. The same year England exited the World Cup on home soil in the group stage. In the 2003 World Cup, the same again. The World T20 has seen embarrassing losses to the Netherlands amongst others, the 2011 World Cup saw Ireland topple England and that's without mentioning two chastening 5-0 Ashes series defeats on enemy soil in Australia.

That England responded to the 2006/07 whitewash with a complete change in methods was something and they set about a plan to regain the urn in 2009. This was achieved with a couple of hiccups along the way such as the Kevin Pietersen captaincy saga with Peter Moores and a 1-0 Series defeat in the West Indies. The 2009 Ashes was the beginning of a glorious era for English cricket and the meticulous planning and "execution of skills" led to a thumping 3-1 Ashes victory in Australia in 2010/11. So how has it all gone wrong again?

KP: Hung out to dry by the ECB

I'll start with the coaching staff. In our glory days of 2010/11, England had Andy Flower and Graham Gooch on the staff, both respected former Test cricketers. They were still in charge when it all began to unravel but when they were relieved of their duties they took Kevin Pietersen with them. Regardless what you think of KP, the fact remains he has scored more runs for England than anyone else in history. Was he a destructive influence in the dressing room? Unless you were in there you won't know, but what is abundantly clear is that he was not managed properly. Every sporting side has characters in it, every cricket side has egos in it. When someone is that talented and on-field success is the measure of your job, the coaching staff and management have to find a way to manage these individuals.

It pains any England fan to say so but the example to follow has been set by Australia. Let's not beat around the bush, they have a long history of sustained success in all formats of the game. It wasn't that long ago that Australian cricket was in crisis and they way they dealt with it is the polar opposite of how England have over the last 18 months. Mickey Arthur, remember him? Australia's coach from South Africa, failing to manage players properly? Suspending them for not doing homework? Making a side that was ridiculed? How similar to the current England side. But Australia's pro-active response was positive and ominous.

I remember at the time Mickey Arthur was replaced by Darren Lehmann thinking that Australia would overnight be a tougher prospect. I fully expected the 2013 Ashes in England to be won by

Boof Lehmann: "Back yourself"

England, and it was by a score of 3-0, but the knowledge that another Ashes series would follow in Australia suddenly wasn't something I was looking forward to watching. Darren Lehmann's attitude is summed up by his nickname; "Boof". He tells it like it is, calls a spade a spade and if you piss him off he'd probably hit you with one. Suddenly, that brash, confident Australian aura began to creep it's way back into their cricket side. The sides led by Allan Border, Mark Taylor, Steve Waugh and Ricky Ponting had it, but the Michael Clarke era had to date appeared timid and easily dominated in comparison. A change of attitude brought on by Boof resulted in a thumping 5-0 Ashes victory over a hapless England sapped of confidence by a rampant Australian side that had recaptured their dominant attitude.

Where is the passion from the current England players?

Growing up in England there was always the expectation of patriotism, mainly by a football mad nation enveloped in the symbolism of the Three Lions. The British fighting spirit that had seen us win the Battle of Britain in WWII, the British Bulldog toughness, the British Lion, the notion that you're not a true Brit unless you fight to the end. Lord Horatio Nelson's words "England Expects That Every Man Will Do His Duty"... Rousing, aren't they? But in stark contrast to the conservative British attitude of not taking risks. England's current cricket side didn't take risks, didn't show any fight to the end, and the conservative approach has cost them dearly. The Three Lions? More like a trio of scaredy cats rolled over and tickled by the Tigers of Bangladesh. Pathetic.

Aussie Pre Ashes Propaganda

So whereas Australian cricket in it's time of crisis turned to someone who could bring back the Australian way, England turned to a guy who was sacked 6 years previously from the job, has no Test cricket experience and doesn't seem to be able to rouse his own players, let alone put fear into other cricket nations. Lehmann's appointment galvanised the country. Posters sprung up with the Australian team surrounded by Australian fans... "THIS TIME, THEY'LL FACE A NATION" was the tagline. KFC in Australia turned Green and Gold. The press got well and truly stuck into the England players, particularly Stuart Broad. It wasn't the England team versus the Australian team any more, it was the England team against the whole of Australia.

England's few years of success recently was built on a backbone of positive and aggressive (dare I say Australian?) cricket mixed with attritional cricket when necessary. Flower and Gooch instilled the Lionheart attitude into the players, they galvanised the team and the Barmy Army had something to really sing about. As it started to unravel, as the Pietersen saga played out after the second 5-0 drubbing I've had the misfortune to be in Australia to experience, the ECB seemed to forget that the best form of defence is attack. They played it safe, they went for Peter Moores. He'd done the job before, he'd been coaching at Lancashire, he deserves another chance. And he had the falling out with Pietersen in 2008/09 so that'll further strengthen the idea that KP is done for good, it shows we're moving on. Does it?! No it f**king doesn't, it shows that England are moving backwards, back to the 1990's, back to the days of Nasser Hussain, Graeme Hick and Mike Atherton, back to the days where England were expected to lose, back when they were conservative in everything they did.

Sir Ian Botham: The one to
change England's attitudes?

So what is the answer? Again, look to Australia. They brought someone in with a knowledge of the Australian way, with the fighting spirit that Australians pride themselves on, the boxing Kangaroo is back. England have their own personalities that embody the British Bulldog, the English Lion and the "England expects..." attitude and they NEED to be involved and as soon as possible, on whatever level. Their names are Sir Ian Botham, Darren Gough and Andrew Flintoff.

Sir Ian Botham, famous for taking on the Australians and triumphing. Famous for being aggressive, famous for not shying away from any situation. Famous for winning the 1981 Ashes Series almost on his own. "Beefy" needs to get into England's players minds and help them develop the mental strength and attitude required at International level.

Darren Gough: LOVED to beat Australia,
but never won an Ashes series

Darren Gough, ran through brick walls for England. Took a hat-trick at the SCG, won Test matches single handedly for England and although he never won an Ashes series, he is a character similar to Darren Lehmann and his own nickname of "Rhino" says enough about his application on a cricket field.

And then there's Freddie. Freddie hit the heights in 2005, and the lows in 2006/07. But throughout his England career he galvanised crowds, lifted players around him and the aggressive nature he brought to his cricket ultimately brought success in two Ashes series. He has been part of an all-conquering England side and his knowledge of bowling skill should be tapped into.

Ashes hero Freddie Flintoff
brought crowds to their feet

Whether Moores remains as coach or not, it's the attitude that needs to change. I'm not suggesting Botham, Gough or Flintoff become the Head Coach, but they need to lift the England players who seemed bereft of confidence, inspiration and, at the moment, the ability to cope with the tough times. Personally, I don't think Moores is the right man to coach England although at this stage I don't have any suggestion as to who might be. The countries that have had sustained success have had it for a reason, and England need to find out how to do it, and even if it's hard to swallow they need to be more like the ones they love to beat... Australia.