A Home From Home - I'm Back Again

Sydney Harbour

It's been almost 3 years of planning, waiting, hoping and wishing, but as of Tuesday 19th March 2013 I live in Australia. If you'd have asked me when I first came here in 2006 if I could have seen myself living in Australia in future I'd have said no way. I loved Devon too much. Yet here we are. Amazing how the right person can shape your future in ways you never would have dreamed.

Oh, yes... Come On You Spurs!

The last couple of weeks have been absolutely jam packed and have really flown by when I think about it. A trip to Tottenham for one last game to see Spurs beat Arsenal 2-1 was a definite highlight, finishing the day job, another trip to London to see The Darkness with Matt, a last trip to Cheshire to see the family and the final throes of packing before the big day. How can I begin to describe the rollercoaster of emotions? And now I see things with a bit more clarity than before. I see who my true friends are, and I realised a few other things as well.

Me at White Hart Lane
Spurs 2-1 Arsenal

To a certain extent it still doesn't feel real, I'm sat here in a suburb of Western Sydney in AUSTRALIA. That mythical place that 7 years ago I was hoping I might come to one day for a visit. Now I'm sat here, engaged to a beautiful Australian woman, my whole life ahead of me in a country that is so full of opportunity and promise it makes me feel incredibly lucky just to be here! This is the 5th time I have entered Australia and this time I have no idea when, or even if I'll leave! Could this really have happened to a simple guy from Devon like me?! It has, and judging from people's reactions for the first time I can remember people are actually envious of me. That's not really happened before.

In the build up to leaving the UK I had managed to catch up with a lot of my friends but amongst it all was a disappointment. I had a leaving do at Bovey Tracey Cricket Club, and considering I had spent 15 years playing there I found it quite disappointing that not a single one of my 1st XI team-mates attended. Some had legitimate excuses, I never heard a word from others. But as mentioned earlier I have found out who my true friends are and perhaps that highlights the difference between mates and team-mates. Having been welcomed at Sydney Airport with a surprise appearance from the current President of my Australian cricket club, and having been phoned less than 24 hours after my arrival by the next to ask for my involvement with the cricket club this year I know exactly where I am meant to be.

Chris, me, Liam
at Heathrow

I am going to miss so many of my friends in the UK. I've known Chris Towell since we were 10 years old, and Liam Berry since we were 11. Both these guys have been my mates ever since and we've always been good mates. Chris and Liam both made the effort to drive from Devon to Heathrow (probably to make sure I left) to accompany my family and I, and that speaks volumes to me. I can't describe how grateful I am to them for that act of friendship, that meant a lot to me and I am going to miss being able to just pop down the pub with you both for a pint, but you both need to come out here and sample life Down Under!

Jemma Lane and Andy Iley have both been great friends for the last 8 years too. I cannot remember ever falling out with either of them, even over something trivial! I already miss them both and I really do hope they can make it over here. The Indian takeaway's are nowhere near as good over here but I am sure that we can find something to eat! Jemma and Andy have always been outdoor types, and that is something that would add to their enjoyment of this country.

When I was 16 I got a job at a local garage, and worked there for 2 and a half years. The garage itself has not changed too much since then and I am still good mates with all the guys that work there. Roger and Cynthia Sibley have always treated me very well, have always been friendly and welcoming and even invited me to family birthday parties and celebrations, along with Jess when she was in the UK. Along with Scott and Garry, that place is probably most responsible for my sense of humour today! Garry especially... Every Friday we used to head into the pub for a pint after work, even after I left the garage and while in recent years they weren't as regular, we still used to go for a pint occasionally and Garry is a great mate, we've been to watch football and rugby together as well as dinners too. Garry and Gill have been very good to me over the years and I am very grateful for that.

Saying goodbye before
heading to Heathrow

I could mention all the friends that mean a lot to me but I'd be writing forever, so I'll make special mentions to Dean Pring who I have known since I was 10, and shared many rounds of golf, games of darts, pints, and generally just had a great time with. I hope you make it out here, mate. I know how much you'd love it. Also to James Pyne, who made the trip especially from Jersey for my leaving do at the cricket club and then got lumbered with doing the bar work. No-one from the club offered to take over, but such is life. I'm glad you were there James, I continue to take inspiration from you in every way. How could I not? You've been my boss, my flying instructor, my mate and generally just a top bloke. I look forward to seeing you as soon as we can and I wish you, Nikki, Orla and your growing family all the health and happiness that you deserve.

James, Matt, me, Chris and Liam

Then there is Matt Pascoe. My brother, best mate, call him what you will. Since I was 11 we've been mates, we had the same form tutor at school and when it became apparent we both played and loved cricket we were set. The two seasons we played at the same club didn't go as planned and I wish we'd played more games together. But while there have been gaps between when we saw each other, we've always made time for it and you have to follow your dream and come out to Australia again, Matt. You HAVE to. It's what you want, and you won't be happy until you've done it. Do what you have to do mate, and I'll see you very soon.

Qantas A380 VH-OQJ
at Singapore. Halfway there.

So here we are, life can begin now. I have job applications in, the sun is out and the heat is on. I have taken time to thank my friends, but the most important people I need to thank are my families. Yes, plural. I won't do it on here because I have done so privately and it will remain that way. Perhaps now I can stop writing about planning our wedding and actually do something towards it. Whatever next...?

The Importance Of Communication

If you don't tell people what you're thinking, how are they supposed to know? If you don't want to tell people what you're thinking, how are they supposed to do the right thing? The number of times I've had friends tell me they're annoyed with their partners or their bosses or their friends about something is staggering, but if I ask "Well have you said anything to them about it?" the answer always seems to come back as "No". So basically both sides are sweeping their frustration at each other under the metaphorical carpet without actually letting it out and coming to a solution. What exactly does that achieve? It might hide the situation temporarily but the issue will still be there next time you lift that carpet. Only, it will have grown substantially, and will keep doing so until you actually deal with it properly.

I can't do that. If I have an argument with anyone I want it all out there, deal with the issue and resolve it. It's the fastest and clearest way of dealing with an issue. That way, you can move past it. Every unresolved argument I've ever had still plays on my mind, some might say that's indicative of being unable to let go. I'd say it's more about making sure things are completed properly. I just can't stand it when people argue and then there's no resolution, or compromise, or any sense to how the argument "ends".

A lot of the time arguments are caused by lack of information. Lack of information is caused by lack of communication. One side wants to talk about something, the other side holds it back and says nothing. Result? Argument, no resolution, the side that wants to talk becoming frustrated because they didn't get any response and the side that holds back gets frustrated because they don't want to talk about it and that should be that. At least, they don't want to talk to the one they're frustrated with. What happens? They release their frustration at a friend, or at someone that will give them a response they want to hear. And yet still, there's no resolution. And the frustration grows every time the subject is brought up again. Where's the compromise? In  both sets of eyes, they've compromised enough already, it's up to the other side to do their bit.

Well, that's where you'd be wrong. If there's not enough of a compromise in place to prevent the argument in the first place, there's more work to be done by BOTH sides. I cannot stress this enough... TALK ABOUT IT! Come up with a solution. That way, BOTH sides can be happy coming out of the talk rather than go away boiling and unhappy. I'm absolutely pig-sick of couples that argue because they refuse to talk about things to each other, then moan to their friends about it. A relationship is a private thing between two people. If those people have an argument, they should resolve it themselves. By all means, seek advice, but don't just moan about it to a friend. Communication is completely undervalued in relationships. There really is nothing worse than finding out at a later date that your partner was upset with you about something and they've told other people about it, especially when they've told you it was fine and there was nothing to worry about. It's happened to me before, it's happened to a lot of my friends. And all of it would have been solved with a simple conversation.

I'm not saying for a second that all subjects are easy to talk about, and that talking is always the easy thing to do because that simply isn't true. However, what I am saying is that talking about things is the BEST way to move forward. Forget the "actions speak louder than words" idea for a moment and take Jess and I, for example. We haven't seen each other for just over 4 months and we've not been able to use that fluffy notion about actions. We've had no choice other than to use words to communicate, through emails, Facebook, texts and the likes. Without that, our relationship would likely have not survived and for me that completely supports my theory that couples should talk about everything to each other. If you reach the stage where you are going to marry each other, you only have to take a look at this extract from the traditional wedding vows to have further support of my theory.

"I promise to love you without reservation, 

honour and respect you, 

provide for your needs as best I can, 

protect you from harm, 

comfort you in times of distress,

always be open and honest with you, 

and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

Nothing better than
Spurs beating Arsenal

Always be open and honest. That's the key. I've blogged about it before, it's a value I hold very highly. So think carefully next time your partner says they don't want to talk about something. Or think carefully before you tell your partner that you're fine when you're not. And most of all, think carefully about telling your friends something you haven't yet told the person you're annoyed at!

Me after the final whistle
at White Hart Lane

Well, that's that little rant over. "Pack up your troubles in your old kitbag and smile smile smile" was written in 1915. 98 years later the world is a much different place, let it all out. I've got enough to be packing in my kitbags! Time is slowly ticking after a fantastic weekend in London with school friends Shaun Wills and Ben Cajee, and the euphoria surrounding being at White Hart Lane for Tottenham's brilliant victory over hated rivals Arsenal. In all likelihood that will be the last time I go to White Hart Lane because the new stadium is under construction and I won't be making the trip from Sydney to see Spurs any time soon. Next up, The Darkness on Thursday night in Hammersmith with Matt. (Incidentally, Matt's blog is always worth a read too. Here is a link if you fancy it.)

Thursday 7th March 2013, Hammersmith Apollo

It's now less than two weeks until I leave England behind and go to live in Jess's native Australia. So much to do, so little time. If my visa hadn't come through early, my calendar states that today would be 39 days away from Visa grant day. Not long when you think about it, but I think the visa came through at the perfect time really. Four and a half months since I saw my fiancée, I don't think my need to be with her can be underestimated. See you soon, Jess. xxxxxxxx