If you don't tell people what you're thinking, how are they supposed to know? If you don't want to tell people what you're thinking, how are they supposed to do the right thing? The number of times I've had friends tell me they're annoyed with their partners or their bosses or their friends about something is staggering, but if I ask "Well have you said anything to them about it?" the answer always seems to come back as "No". So basically both sides are sweeping their frustration at each other under the metaphorical carpet without actually letting it out and coming to a solution. What exactly does that achieve? It might hide the situation temporarily but the issue will still be there next time you lift that carpet. Only, it will have grown substantially, and will keep doing so until you actually deal with it properly.
I can't do that. If I have an argument with anyone I want it all out there, deal with the issue and resolve it. It's the fastest and clearest way of dealing with an issue. That way, you can move past it. Every unresolved argument I've ever had still plays on my mind, some might say that's indicative of being unable to let go. I'd say it's more about making sure things are completed properly. I just can't stand it when people argue and then there's no resolution, or compromise, or any sense to how the argument "ends".
A lot of the time arguments are caused by lack of information. Lack of information is caused by lack of communication. One side wants to talk about something, the other side holds it back and says nothing. Result? Argument, no resolution, the side that wants to talk becoming frustrated because they didn't get any response and the side that holds back gets frustrated because they don't want to talk about it and that should be that. At least, they don't want to talk to the one they're frustrated with. What happens? They release their frustration at a friend, or at someone that will give them a response they want to hear. And yet still, there's no resolution. And the frustration grows every time the subject is brought up again. Where's the compromise? In both sets of eyes, they've compromised enough already, it's up to the other side to do their bit.
Well, that's where you'd be wrong. If there's not enough of a compromise in place to prevent the argument in the first place, there's more work to be done by BOTH sides. I cannot stress this enough... TALK ABOUT IT! Come up with a solution. That way, BOTH sides can be happy coming out of the talk rather than go away boiling and unhappy. I'm absolutely pig-sick of couples that argue because they refuse to talk about things to each other, then moan to their friends about it. A relationship is a private thing between two people. If those people have an argument, they should resolve it themselves. By all means, seek advice, but don't just moan about it to a friend. Communication is completely undervalued in relationships. There really is nothing worse than finding out at a later date that your partner was upset with you about something and they've told other people about it, especially when they've told you it was fine and there was nothing to worry about. It's happened to me before, it's happened to a lot of my friends. And all of it would have been solved with a simple conversation.
I'm not saying for a second that all subjects are easy to talk about, and that talking is always the easy thing to do because that simply isn't true. However, what I am saying is that talking about things is the BEST way to move forward. Forget the "actions speak louder than words" idea for a moment and take Jess and I, for example. We haven't seen each other for just over 4 months and we've not been able to use that fluffy notion about actions. We've had no choice other than to use words to communicate, through emails, Facebook, texts and the likes. Without that, our relationship would likely have not survived and for me that completely supports my theory that couples should talk about everything to each other. If you reach the stage where you are going to marry each other, you only have to take a look at this extract from the traditional wedding vows to have further support of my theory.
"I promise to love you without reservation,
honour and respect you,
provide for your needs as best I can,
protect you from harm,
comfort you in times of distress,
always be open and honest with you,
and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."
 |
| Nothing better than Spurs beating Arsenal |
Always be open and honest. That's the key. I've blogged about it before, it's a value I hold very highly. So think carefully next time your partner says they don't want to talk about something. Or think carefully before you tell your partner that you're fine when you're not. And most of all, think carefully about telling your friends something you haven't yet told the person you're annoyed at!
 |
| Me after the final whistle at White Hart Lane |
 |
| Thursday 7th March 2013, Hammersmith Apollo |
It's now less than two weeks until I leave England behind and go to live in Jess's native Australia. So much to do, so little time. If my visa hadn't come through early, my calendar states that today would be 39 days away from Visa grant day. Not long when you think about it, but I think the visa came through at the perfect time really. Four and a half months since I saw my fiancée, I don't think my need to be with her can be underestimated. See you soon, Jess. xxxxxxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment