Bad Dreams: The Countdown Begins

So here we are, Saturday 10th November 2012. A day off both of my jobs at last! Even if I do say so myself, I have worked bloody hard since I got back from Australia two weeks ago and I think I've earnt this rest. Except, I've not really been resting, I've been heavily editing my video diary from Australia, and I've been packing. This is all far too early, surely? The conversation I had with my Migration Officer when I last spoke to them was to confirm that my visa will not be granted until 9 months from the date of application have passed, and so my target date is 12th April 2013. Coincidentally, my mother's birthday. When I received this news, I was a mixture of disappointed and relieved. Extremely disappointed that my life with Jess cannot be expedited at all, but relieved at the news that they have everything they require in order to grant me an Australian Visa. I hadn't heard the result of my medical until this point but I am told there are no problems there, so even more reason for relief!

Jess and I before she left England

So why am I packing already? To tell you the truth, I don't really know myself. Perhaps it's a result of being around Jess, who is so organised with things like this that an administrative job would suit her enormously. Jess had her bags packed for going home to Australia about 2 weeks before she flew! It was quite amusing to see her perpetually having to retrieve things from the bags to use in her final days in England. On the other hand I am usually so disorganised that I leave things until the last possible moment. I didn't pack for my trips to Australia in 2009 and 2011 until the night before (and sometimes the day of!) my flights. Not this time. Last month I had one bag fully loaded 2 weeks before, and the other bag half loaded! I put my clothes in the night before my flight after they had been freshly washed. I have even been going into work early, loading the van early, getting away early and consequently, getting home early.

This still doesn't answer why I am packing up my things already. To be honest, so far I've only packed 2 boxes of DVD's and half a box of books but already my bookcase looks considerably emptier. Perhaps it's to make this place seem less like home, and in turn that'll make it easier to leave? Perhaps it's because subconciously I just don't want to be here? I don't think so. The fact is that in an ideal world, Jess and I could spend every year in both countries... September to April in Australia, April to September in England. Continuous summer! Money of course prevents that, and practically it just couldn't work. I do want to be in England, but I want to be with Jess more and therefore I want to be in Australia. So to keep myself busy in the lead-up to leaving I am preparing to move as if it were a few weeks away, rather than a few months. Making the time go faster is something we all wish we could do from time to time, but in reality I should just slow down and enjoy these last few months in my homeland. I am English, I'll always be English, I'll always be proud to be English. I'd happily have the 3 lions tattoo'd on my arm if I saw fit to. But my future is Australian.

My sister and I with Dad

A terrible dream I had earlier this week made me realise just how much I need to make the most of being here. Bad dreams, nightmares, whatever you want to call them... This one was awful. The scenario was that my sister was on her way to see Jess and I (England or Australia I'm not sure, my dreams are fairly vague), my parents were there, Jess's parents were there, Martin was there, Evie was there. The phone rang, it was Emily. She said she'd just been hit by a car and she didn't think she would make it. The phone rang again. The hospital confirmed she'd gone, no longer with us. My sister had gone. I cannot describe the gutting feeling I had, even just in a dream! I woke up in floods of tears because I thought it was real! I thought about how Evie wouldn't have a mother, I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to my sister. It took a good five minutes to realise it wasn't real and my God, the relief was incredible. I text my sister soon afterwards to tell her that I love her and I need to spend more time with them before I leave. Amazingly though, I didn't have the shiver. It wasn't real, but it made me think.

Unfortunately out of focus, my sister and I
at Mum and Dad's 25th Wedding Anniversary

My sister and I have always got on well, but like most siblings we have also had a fair few arguments along the way! We're both stubborn, we both have to get the last word in, but we also stand up for each other if the situation requires it and she has given me a lot of support. The fact that she gets on so well with Jess is brilliant for me too, and I know how much Emily will love Australia when she finally makes it out there for our wedding. My grandmother went out to Australia in 1998 to visit her siblings that left when they were kids, and she saw her brothers for the first time in 40 years during that trip. I hope I can see my sister and niece at least every 2 years. Of course, I will want to see my parents just as often. I see them daily at the moment and I take that for granted, but I know I will miss them as much as I will enjoy the freedom of being away.

The problem is still that although I know the date a decision for my visa can be made, I don't know when it will be made and so that makes planning a touch difficult. When it comes, I would imagine that it would take a couple of weeks to sell off the final few posessions and book the flights, but in the meantime there is plenty to look forward to. Tonight is my last ever Bovey Tracey Cricket Club Dinner & Dance, there's my Dad's birthday, my last English (and therefore last cold) Christmas for a while, New Year's Eve (Could it be London again?), and in March I am going to see The Darkness again, this time in Hammersmith with Matt, my Brother-From-Another-Mother. Who knows? He may even join me out in Australia shortly after that? In the meantime I have about 22 weeks left in Devon. Time for a few pints, some goodbyes, and some Rock-based music of exceptional quality. Perhaps even a little pilgrimage to my birthplace? Seems fitting when not long ago I showed Jess where I grew up. There is so much to do that I'm left with a massive paradox; I need the time to fly, but 153 days isn't enough to fit it all in! Or is it...?