My Responsibility To My Family History

Already copying Grandad's
crossword habit!

Last week I had my grandparents visiting from Cheshire. Every time I see them it reminds me of my childhood and to me it feels like they are exactly the same now as they were when I was five. They probably have changed but it doesn't feel like it and because they have always lived some distance from me it feels special every time I see them. Sounds corny, doesn't it?

I envy people who have lived in the same house or town their whole lives, but at the same time I'm glad I haven't. It's not like I haven't had stability. I don't remember my two years in Germany, the eight years I spent in Oxfordshire seemed a long time to a 10 year old and I have lived in Bovey Tracey for the last 16 years. We moved here in 1996 so I class myself as Devonian. If ever asked where I'm from, it's easier to just say "Devon" than to say "Born in Germany, Dad is from Cheshire, Mum is from Devon but grew up in Buckinghamshire, I grew up in Oxfordshire before moving to Devon." My family history interests me too, and the first place I always look is to my Father's side because that is the one that bears the family name, of course.

Family at Nanna and Grandad's 60th Wedding Anniversary

It has been made clear to me by my Grandfather that our branch of the Carter tree relies on me to continue to grow. He fathered three sons and two daughters. Tragedy struck at an early age as the first daughter passed away as an infant. Of the surviving sons, one had a single girl, another had no children and the youngest son fathered a daughter and son (my sister and I). Dad's sister had two girls and a boy, so I'm not the only male grandson to him, just the only Carter. My sister gave birth in 2010 to a beautiful girl and I am loving being an Uncle, and the good news for Grandad is that I cannot wait for the day that Jess and I can bring another Carter into the world, I think I'm made to be a father. I've always thought that. Being an Uncle to my niece, and a Godfather to my cousin's (on my mother's side of the family) beautiful girl(s), and being part of other families in Australia has been a nice preview to what to expect, but I'm told nothing can prepare you for the actual feeling.

My Grandfather has always had words of advice, always shared his opinion if he thought it necessary and while he may repeat himself from time to time, his approval has always mattered to me. I've always wanted to make him proud of me, possibly more so than my own father. He is the most kind hearted, gentlemanly and humble person I know, and I aspire to be like that and the fact that their marriage has lasted 60 years (and counting) is something I aspire to with Jess. Grandad has always shown trust in me and that kind of faith is more powerful than people give it credit. I'm sure I'm not the only one, I'm sure it's not exclusive but I've mentioned in previous blogs that the one thing in life that really gets me down and upsets me is being spoken to like an idiot. Grandad has NEVER done that. He may not have always agreed with what I have said or done, but has never made me feel like an idiot for it.

My Grandad

Grandad also has a knack of being right. Experience is also a powerful tool. One of the advantages of him repeating stories is the lessons that you learn from it become engraved in your mind. However, the topic isn't always uplifting. He is quite right to say that no-one will live forever and he seems to have accepted his fate, which I hope is many years away yet. Same for my Nanna too, she has done incredibly well considering a horrible bout of cancer in the late 80's and early 90's. Strangely for me, I have no recollection of this happening to Nanna which is even stranger when you think that I could remember insignificant things like the kerbstones I jumped my bike on when I lived in Fringford as a boy. When Grandad speaks about the future, there is a hint that he thinks he might not see it, and that includes the fate of the Carter name.

Having a family is something that I believe I couldn't do unless I was with the perfect woman to have my children. There is no one more perfect for me than Jess. There are still no words that can adequately describe the sheer joy that ran through my body when she accepted my proposal of marriage. Having a family was the furthest thing from our minds at that time. I lived in England, Jess lived in Australia... How could it work?! Well, it has worked out better than we could have hoped so far, and the final step towards being able to achieve this goal is my visa coming through. The Australian Immigration department have all they need from me, now it's a waiting game. Potentially a nine month wait...

Now that Jess is back in Australia, I am reflecting on a lot of the things we have done together and I am so happy that my grandparents got to meet her on two separate occasions. They happened to be visiting Devon in 2010 around the time my niece (their first Great-Grandchild) was born, which was also when Jess first came to the UK. They also invited Jess to their 60th Wedding Anniversary in July this year and the fact they approve of her and us means more to me than anyone else's approval. Nothing would make me happier than to have them at our wedding but they have already said that there is no way that they could make the journey to Australia for it. I really hope it can happen somehow.

My Nanna

Even though we have always lived some distance from them, I still feel that my Grandparents have had a big effect on me. My Nanna has always taught me the importance of being humble and generous, and has always shown trust in me and has always offered advice and encouragement. She is generous almost to a fault and I think she enjoys having someone different to talk to when we visit. Not that there's anything wrong with anyone she usually sees, just that sometimes a different point of view is nice. In all of her life she has never been to London and has always wanted to. Again, I hope that can happen, and I hope that I can make it happen.

Three Generations of Carter's
on Concorde at Manchester
December 2004

My Grandfather's influence has been enormous considering the things in life I enjoy now. He's always liked his cricket, he's always loved his planes. Almost every time I visited growing up we had a trip to Manchester Airport to watch the planes. He taught me how to identify the different types, and he took me to see Concorde flying in and out on a few occasions too. When Concorde retired in 2003, it was somehow fate that Concorde "Alpha Charlie" was retired to Manchester Airport. This is the same Concorde that did a flypast of my first cricket match as Captain, a video of which is in a previous blog entry. All airports have a 3 or 4 letter identifying code, and the airports in the UK start with "EG". Manchester's code is "EGCC". My initials are CC. My Concorde, at my airport. Does it get better?

Grandad has a passion for Flight Simulator which he gradually passed on to me, and through this I decided I wanted to do it for real and I wanted to become a pilot. Part of me wishes I had gone on and finished my flying licences but I can't imagine how my life would have been without Jess, and I don't want to. I still hold the desire to be a pilot one day, however there are a few more pressing priorities at this stage in our life!

Grandad and I on the Flight Deck of
Concorde G-BOAC at Manchester (2009)

Call me old fashioned, but I want to keep some of our family traditions going. 3 generations have had some professional involvement with aircraft, I hope our children may follow that path. But one of the lessons learnt is that you cannot force offspring to do what they don't want to do. My parents have been very supportive of my goal to be a pilot, but they were less than enthralled with my idea to go to play cricket abroad in 2006, especially my Mother who was very vocal about me not going. Originally I wanted to go to South Africa, then it was New Zealand where a few of our other guys had played. Then I was told by our (Aussie) overseas that if I wanted to improve my cricket, go to Australia. She kept telling me it was a pipe dream and that I was stupid for wanting to go, which only made me more determined to go. Even more so when I decided to go back for a second time in 2009. I did what I wanted and while there are prices I am paying for that financially now, look what became of it. My chance to have my own family couldn't be any better, I dread to think how things would have turned out had I not temporarily left my troubles in England at the time.

My Grandparents and father came to watch me play cricket.
This day I took 6-39, my first 5 wicket haul. (2008)

Some of the names that run in my family have appeared more than once, and I hope that we can bear that in mind when we choose names for our kids. There are some truly awful names out there, for example one of Jermaine Jackson's children is called "Jermajesty"... What the hell is that?! Jermaine Jnr I could understand, but the kid is not royalty! I want something more traditional but still in keeping with the family name, something that fits the name "Carter". Perhaps that is the best tribute that I can give to my Grandparents, and the promise that I will not be the last Carter on our branch. As Grandchildren, it's rare to ever do anything than receive. The day I become a Father is the day I feel I have given something back to my Grandparents, and kept a promise. It seems that no matter how old we are, that juvenile desire to make someone proud of us never really leaves.