Short Blog: Have I Turned A Corner?

I find myself asking if metaphorically and meteorologically I have dealt with the last of the icy coldness. You all know about my dislike of the cold weather but even I have to say that the snow in our part of the country has had a beauty to it and has made the scenery look stunning. Winter usually leaves our countryside looking so bleak and dull that when a short period of whiteness covers the landscape the only thing we can think of is how stunningly beautiful it looks. I'd be less than truthful if I said I would like to experience another English winter, because in all honesty I can't wait to be in a hot country. Metaphorically speaking, the coldness relates to certain individuals and my encounters with them in the last week have finally made me believe that I am getting over them and their lies, and the effect just seeing them had on me.

Usually when I see these people a surge of anger and hatred flows through my veins and my heart rate increases drastically. On Tuesday from a distance I passed one of them in the car, no increase in heart rate and I brushed it off with a simple single-worded insult under my breath. She didn't see me. Subconsciously I have always been on the lookout wherever I am just in case I run into these people because neither party is supposed to have or initiate contact. On more than a few occasions they have caused a scene when I've done as advised and walked away. Amazing what lengths people will go to try and get a rise out of others.

The following day at a Petrol Station as I was walking out after paying, there she was... In the middle of the shop, staring at me. After being categorically told not to talk to me or my family after the last altercation over a year before, she stood there in silence, didn't dare open her mouth. I didn't give her chance to. I didn't break stride, I had no increase in heart rate and my only outlet was to smile as I broke eye-contact and let out a small "heh" under my breath as I turned away and walked out of the door without looking back. Dismissive? I'd like to think so. I don't care how she saw it. The only possible negative is that despite always looking around and being aware of what is around me I was unaware of her presence until she was 2 yards away from me. The positive is that because it was a surprise it makes it even more satisfying that there was no increase in heart rate or even the flow of hatred. I feel progress was made.

As I get closer and closer to Australia I am feeling more and more positive. Perhaps the general improvement in weather and the days lengthening here in the UK will aid that positivity as we head towards Spring? Could the dismissive nature of the last week mean I am finally learning how to brush things off rather than let them get to me? I really hope so, and I hope that I can mentally programme myself to be better and do better things. Actually, I don't just hope, I believe I can and I believe I will. As a child you're always told to ignore the bullies, ignore the bad things and they will go away. It's not strictly true but the principle is correct. I can ignore the negative people and eventually the negativity goes away and is replaced by all the positive things. Shutting things out isn't always the best way to deal with things but there's always an exception to the rule and this may be it. Could this be the time when I have finally released my demons? That would be truly satisfying.