New Year, Apologies, Progression and No More Stupidity!

Seeing out 2012 in a
fantastic location

Christmas is out of the way! New Year is done! And it has been busy enough although I found Christmas to be something of an anti-climax without Jess. It didn't feel special given that it was possibly the last one I'd spend in England. It all seemed to be out of the way very quickly and after it was over, on the spur of the moment I went to Cheshire to surprise my Grandparents. They were surprised, and they reacted well which made it worthwhile for me. I stayed with Dad's brother (who came down to Devon for Christmas with my Aunt) and he took me Clay-Pigeon shooting. The first time I'd ever picked up a gun, I hit 49 out of 100 so I'm happy with that and I did enjoy it. It took me a while to get used to firing the gun and because I wasn't holding it correctly to begin with I ended up with a huge bruise around my shoulder and forearm! I hope to get one more visit to Cheshire in before the visa is granted.

Daylight hits London for
the first time in 2013

Once I was home in Devon there was almost no chance to rest! Simon Fairlie arrived from Australia for a few days. Well, he'd actually arrived from New York where he'd spent Christmas with his brother but after the UK it was home to Australia for him. Myself, Matt and Simon all took the journey to London for New Year and stayed in a fantastic house belonging to a friend of Simon's, overlooking The Thames, Tower Bridge and the Shard. Unfortunately when midnight came around we could see almost nothing of the fireworks, but I started 2012 in London with my fiancée and finished 2012 in London with my 'brother' and a good mate. What more could I ask for?

Myself, Fez and Flash at
White Hart Lane

On New Year's Day I woke up just as the first rays of light of 2013 were glowing. The view was gorgeous and I had to take the camera and get some snaps. Later we went to Tottenham Hotspur and watched Spurs beat Reading 3-1 at White Hart Lane. Of course this was brilliant for me, not so much for a school friend of mine and Matt's. Our friend Sam was sat in the away section with the Reading fans as her 'awesome guitarist' friend supports Reading. We all met up for a quick drink before Matt and I headed home to Devon. Simon was off to Brighton the next day so got to stay an extra night in the beautiful house. Imagine having that view on a daily basis!

There are always clichés when January comes around, especially concerning New Years and New Starts. As much as I dislike these throwaway lines it has to be the case for me in 2013. My blog entries in 2012 all revolved around my past and things that haunted me and I'm not going to categorically say right now that this year will be completely different, but I am in a rare state of feeling content at the moment. I do cringe about a lot of the things I have said and done in the past and the effect it has had, even to the extent where I've offended people and rather than show humility I've been stubborn and stuck to my guns. Sticking with a principle is one thing but if you look back a few years down the line and think "I was wrong" or "I wish I'd done that differently" then perhaps being more balanced in your views and expressions in future is the lesson you can take from that.

Michael Jackson at the
02 Arena, London
5th March 2009

I've mentioned my horror year personally in 2008-09 several times. There are a few things I did during that period where I probably lost a lot of respect from people. I do wish I'd handled things differently that year but hindsight is always perfect. The mental state I was in that summer was worse than I can describe to you and I had one glimmer of light that I was looking forward to; Michael Jackson's This Is It concerts. I had tickets to go with my friends. 4 weeks before our concert he died and my reaction was so over the top I am embarrassed about it to this day and is one of the things I cringe about. Because of everything else that had been taken away from me that year, this was the final straw and I broke. Unfortunately for me I did it very publicly and I am hugely embarrassed by it. I wish I hadn't reacted the way I did, but I can't change that now. All I can do is explain that I wasn't myself and went WAY too far. It's not an excuse, it's an explanation.

During that time I said some stupid things, and in subsequent years I have said some stupid things too. As always happens when someone dies there are people out there very quick to make jokes about it, and because of the high regard I had for my favourite artist I was extremely outspoken about these jokes against him. 2 years later I turned into a complete hypocrite and spouted out a lot of disrespectful things about Amy Winehouse when she died. I couldn't believe people were comparing Michael Jackson with Amy Winehouse, there is simply no contest. Jackson wins every time. I jumped on the bandwagon of making jokes about her death. After damning those showing such disrespect to one artist, to then show the same disrespect to another in the same way was stupid of me to say the least. I was heavily criticised (with hindsight, rightly so) however it was the people criticising I took exception to, and I even fell out with a few friends and even my cousin(s) over it and they haven't been the same since. It is a shame because I used to get on with them extremely well and while I'm not solely responsible for the fallout, I am not afraid to admit what I did wrong. I do hope to see them and make amends before I leave for Australia but I have don't think that they have any desire to see me.

I've done stupid things elsewhere too. During my first trip to Australia in 2006, I was invited to a party hosted by a mate of Mark Fairlie (Simon's brother, now in NYC). It was literally only a couple of weeks into the trip, I'd only just met the cricket guys so should have been more aware of making impressions. It was in an apartment block several floors up and I had my bottle of beer. I can't remember how the conversation came around to it but I think I asked where the bin was. Clifty said "Dunno mate, there's a few bins down there" while pointing down to the ground on the street "but I don't thi... Oh, no..." At this moment for some unknown reason I decided that's where the bottle should go and nonchalantly threw it over the balcony to the bins in the garden/street below without thinking and wandered to the fridge for the next one.

With Clifty in 2010...
and special input from David Gracie

Within a minute Clifty had grabbed me, taken me to the balcony, pointed down and told me not only was the bottle made of glass, but there were 3 police officers at ground level who suddenly want to speak to the party hosts. Apparently they were there when the bottle hit the deck too. Unbelievable stupidity and irresponsible behaviour from this 20 year old, someone could have been seriously hurt or even killed. I knew that's the kind of thing I shouldn't do, but I did it. And I still don't know why! It goes without saying I won't ever do it again. No, the police didn't speak to me in case you wondered. Thankfully. Other stupid things are pretty "blonde moment" in status. Trying to dry my hands under a soap dispenser... Describing something as an "Upside-down 'W'..." (Why not just say an 'M'?!) or even smacking myself in the face with a bin lid. Don't ask... too funny.

Humility is a quality everyone should have and if I had to make that cliché they call a New Year's Resolution I would make mine to be more humble and understanding, and less stubborn. And less stupid. 2013 is going to be a complete upheaval in my life because in just 96 days my life will change completely. Of course I've been to Australia before but always in the knowledge I would be coming back to England. This time it's an "if" rather than a "when" and because of that there is a certain amount of trepidation. Perhaps this change of scenery will bring a change of attitude, a different outlook on life, a new beginning or another phrase used so often it's lost it's meaning. When that visa comes through I have no idea how I'll react. At least I'll have a positive life-changing moment to cherish and then work must begin on planning our wedding. Here's a phrase that won't lose it's meaning... Our wedding day will be the happiest day of our lives. I cannot wait.

96 days and counting!