Settling In

"Allagai"
Copacabana, NSW

The mere fact I've been to Australia on 4 occasions before 2013 means that it already felt like a home from home. Everything is familiar, driving is easy enough, the same mates are here to socialise with, my cricket club still exists, I have family in Victoria that I have spoken to, and there's the future In-Laws family who are
so good to me it's unbelievable. So surely that means settling in would be easy, right? Not necessarily. You can take the man out of England but you can't take England out of the man. It's not called "Soccer", alright?!

Copacabana Beach

But that doesn't mean for a second that I'd want to be anywhere else. Australia is now my home. I don't feel "homesick" for Devon at all really, I just wish certain people from there were here instead, my family being the big ones. As a location you can really want for nothing here. An hour west you have the Blue Mountains, some of the most stunning scenery around. Not far East you have Sydney Harbour in all it's glory. An hour or so North you have the
Central Coast, and beaches remote enough that they're not too busy but beautiful enough to enjoy completely. Easter weekend was spent at Copacabana and the surrounding areas. Walking along the beach in clear blue skies sounds like a fairytale to English folks, something rare in the UK. It could almost be a daily occurrence here!

A new species?

I'll give you a little bit of pedigree regarding Copa; Situated just to the North of Bouddi National Park, Copacabana Beach, adjoined to Macmasters Beach (where I spent a few days back in 2009), forms Allagai Bay. Further research found that "Allagai" means "Nest Of Snakes", and that just a few months before Great White Sharks had been spotted off the coast here, and are regulars in this area. Two of my favourite types of animal, no wonder I liked it there. However, I saw neither! Well... I think I found a snake in the garden, but it's not a species I recognise (see photo!). I even went for a swim in the sea at nearby Putty Beach, the first such excursion since I was a kid.

Ah, Putty Beach... how did we end up there? That's right, we had headed for Pretty Beach because it had been recommended to us as a nice place to sit and enjoy the sun. The name Pretty Beach conjured up images of palm trees on the edge of a white band of sand, water lapping up softly while the sun beats down on gradually bronzing humans. Well, the name is fairly misleading... Not a grain of sand anywhere, only a waterside car-park with boat ramp and a bus stop. The name Putty Beach conjured up images of... sludge. But we headed there anyway and when we got there it's almost as if someone had swapped the aforementioned place names over as a joke! Putty Beach is very pretty, and we spent the day there. Not a shark in sight and I am confirmed as useless on a bodyboard!

Writing in the sand,
Umina Beach

We spent Easter Monday exploring the surrounding towns and resorts. Woy Woy, Ettalong, Patonga, Kincumber were all charming in their own way. The highlight was definitely the walk down the beach along the edge of the tide at Umina Beach. About a mile long, we walked up and down the length of the beach, watching the lifeguards practice their surfing technique and doing their fitness tests, surfers getting it right and getting it wrong, and generally enjoying the unexpected sunshine that had appeared after an overcast start to the day in Copa.

I'd be lying if I said everything I've mentioned in this blog entry hadn't made it a little easier to be here, and of course being with Jess at long bleedin' last has made sure that I am happy. But it's not easy being permanently away from my family back in Devon. I have been in regular contact with them but now the clocks have changed the window for communication is even smaller. Who knew how much just a little hug from my niece actually can affect me? I miss her and her toddler hugs.

Like most things I just have to give it time, I've not even been here for 3 weeks yet. I have a full-time job which starts tomorrow, which is just the start I needed to life out here. I reckon by the end of the month we'll be able to figure out a bit more of a budget with regards to our wedding, and by then we'll have settled into a daily routine. Normal life is gradually getting closer and closer. Watch this space...

A Home From Home - I'm Back Again

Sydney Harbour

It's been almost 3 years of planning, waiting, hoping and wishing, but as of Tuesday 19th March 2013 I live in Australia. If you'd have asked me when I first came here in 2006 if I could have seen myself living in Australia in future I'd have said no way. I loved Devon too much. Yet here we are. Amazing how the right person can shape your future in ways you never would have dreamed.

Oh, yes... Come On You Spurs!

The last couple of weeks have been absolutely jam packed and have really flown by when I think about it. A trip to Tottenham for one last game to see Spurs beat Arsenal 2-1 was a definite highlight, finishing the day job, another trip to London to see The Darkness with Matt, a last trip to Cheshire to see the family and the final throes of packing before the big day. How can I begin to describe the rollercoaster of emotions? And now I see things with a bit more clarity than before. I see who my true friends are, and I realised a few other things as well.

Me at White Hart Lane
Spurs 2-1 Arsenal

To a certain extent it still doesn't feel real, I'm sat here in a suburb of Western Sydney in AUSTRALIA. That mythical place that 7 years ago I was hoping I might come to one day for a visit. Now I'm sat here, engaged to a beautiful Australian woman, my whole life ahead of me in a country that is so full of opportunity and promise it makes me feel incredibly lucky just to be here! This is the 5th time I have entered Australia and this time I have no idea when, or even if I'll leave! Could this really have happened to a simple guy from Devon like me?! It has, and judging from people's reactions for the first time I can remember people are actually envious of me. That's not really happened before.

In the build up to leaving the UK I had managed to catch up with a lot of my friends but amongst it all was a disappointment. I had a leaving do at Bovey Tracey Cricket Club, and considering I had spent 15 years playing there I found it quite disappointing that not a single one of my 1st XI team-mates attended. Some had legitimate excuses, I never heard a word from others. But as mentioned earlier I have found out who my true friends are and perhaps that highlights the difference between mates and team-mates. Having been welcomed at Sydney Airport with a surprise appearance from the current President of my Australian cricket club, and having been phoned less than 24 hours after my arrival by the next to ask for my involvement with the cricket club this year I know exactly where I am meant to be.

Chris, me, Liam
at Heathrow

I am going to miss so many of my friends in the UK. I've known Chris Towell since we were 10 years old, and Liam Berry since we were 11. Both these guys have been my mates ever since and we've always been good mates. Chris and Liam both made the effort to drive from Devon to Heathrow (probably to make sure I left) to accompany my family and I, and that speaks volumes to me. I can't describe how grateful I am to them for that act of friendship, that meant a lot to me and I am going to miss being able to just pop down the pub with you both for a pint, but you both need to come out here and sample life Down Under!

Jemma Lane and Andy Iley have both been great friends for the last 8 years too. I cannot remember ever falling out with either of them, even over something trivial! I already miss them both and I really do hope they can make it over here. The Indian takeaway's are nowhere near as good over here but I am sure that we can find something to eat! Jemma and Andy have always been outdoor types, and that is something that would add to their enjoyment of this country.

When I was 16 I got a job at a local garage, and worked there for 2 and a half years. The garage itself has not changed too much since then and I am still good mates with all the guys that work there. Roger and Cynthia Sibley have always treated me very well, have always been friendly and welcoming and even invited me to family birthday parties and celebrations, along with Jess when she was in the UK. Along with Scott and Garry, that place is probably most responsible for my sense of humour today! Garry especially... Every Friday we used to head into the pub for a pint after work, even after I left the garage and while in recent years they weren't as regular, we still used to go for a pint occasionally and Garry is a great mate, we've been to watch football and rugby together as well as dinners too. Garry and Gill have been very good to me over the years and I am very grateful for that.

Saying goodbye before
heading to Heathrow

I could mention all the friends that mean a lot to me but I'd be writing forever, so I'll make special mentions to Dean Pring who I have known since I was 10, and shared many rounds of golf, games of darts, pints, and generally just had a great time with. I hope you make it out here, mate. I know how much you'd love it. Also to James Pyne, who made the trip especially from Jersey for my leaving do at the cricket club and then got lumbered with doing the bar work. No-one from the club offered to take over, but such is life. I'm glad you were there James, I continue to take inspiration from you in every way. How could I not? You've been my boss, my flying instructor, my mate and generally just a top bloke. I look forward to seeing you as soon as we can and I wish you, Nikki, Orla and your growing family all the health and happiness that you deserve.

James, Matt, me, Chris and Liam

Then there is Matt Pascoe. My brother, best mate, call him what you will. Since I was 11 we've been mates, we had the same form tutor at school and when it became apparent we both played and loved cricket we were set. The two seasons we played at the same club didn't go as planned and I wish we'd played more games together. But while there have been gaps between when we saw each other, we've always made time for it and you have to follow your dream and come out to Australia again, Matt. You HAVE to. It's what you want, and you won't be happy until you've done it. Do what you have to do mate, and I'll see you very soon.

Qantas A380 VH-OQJ
at Singapore. Halfway there.

So here we are, life can begin now. I have job applications in, the sun is out and the heat is on. I have taken time to thank my friends, but the most important people I need to thank are my families. Yes, plural. I won't do it on here because I have done so privately and it will remain that way. Perhaps now I can stop writing about planning our wedding and actually do something towards it. Whatever next...?

The Importance Of Communication

If you don't tell people what you're thinking, how are they supposed to know? If you don't want to tell people what you're thinking, how are they supposed to do the right thing? The number of times I've had friends tell me they're annoyed with their partners or their bosses or their friends about something is staggering, but if I ask "Well have you said anything to them about it?" the answer always seems to come back as "No". So basically both sides are sweeping their frustration at each other under the metaphorical carpet without actually letting it out and coming to a solution. What exactly does that achieve? It might hide the situation temporarily but the issue will still be there next time you lift that carpet. Only, it will have grown substantially, and will keep doing so until you actually deal with it properly.

I can't do that. If I have an argument with anyone I want it all out there, deal with the issue and resolve it. It's the fastest and clearest way of dealing with an issue. That way, you can move past it. Every unresolved argument I've ever had still plays on my mind, some might say that's indicative of being unable to let go. I'd say it's more about making sure things are completed properly. I just can't stand it when people argue and then there's no resolution, or compromise, or any sense to how the argument "ends".

A lot of the time arguments are caused by lack of information. Lack of information is caused by lack of communication. One side wants to talk about something, the other side holds it back and says nothing. Result? Argument, no resolution, the side that wants to talk becoming frustrated because they didn't get any response and the side that holds back gets frustrated because they don't want to talk about it and that should be that. At least, they don't want to talk to the one they're frustrated with. What happens? They release their frustration at a friend, or at someone that will give them a response they want to hear. And yet still, there's no resolution. And the frustration grows every time the subject is brought up again. Where's the compromise? In  both sets of eyes, they've compromised enough already, it's up to the other side to do their bit.

Well, that's where you'd be wrong. If there's not enough of a compromise in place to prevent the argument in the first place, there's more work to be done by BOTH sides. I cannot stress this enough... TALK ABOUT IT! Come up with a solution. That way, BOTH sides can be happy coming out of the talk rather than go away boiling and unhappy. I'm absolutely pig-sick of couples that argue because they refuse to talk about things to each other, then moan to their friends about it. A relationship is a private thing between two people. If those people have an argument, they should resolve it themselves. By all means, seek advice, but don't just moan about it to a friend. Communication is completely undervalued in relationships. There really is nothing worse than finding out at a later date that your partner was upset with you about something and they've told other people about it, especially when they've told you it was fine and there was nothing to worry about. It's happened to me before, it's happened to a lot of my friends. And all of it would have been solved with a simple conversation.

I'm not saying for a second that all subjects are easy to talk about, and that talking is always the easy thing to do because that simply isn't true. However, what I am saying is that talking about things is the BEST way to move forward. Forget the "actions speak louder than words" idea for a moment and take Jess and I, for example. We haven't seen each other for just over 4 months and we've not been able to use that fluffy notion about actions. We've had no choice other than to use words to communicate, through emails, Facebook, texts and the likes. Without that, our relationship would likely have not survived and for me that completely supports my theory that couples should talk about everything to each other. If you reach the stage where you are going to marry each other, you only have to take a look at this extract from the traditional wedding vows to have further support of my theory.

"I promise to love you without reservation, 

honour and respect you, 

provide for your needs as best I can, 

protect you from harm, 

comfort you in times of distress,

always be open and honest with you, 

and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

Nothing better than
Spurs beating Arsenal

Always be open and honest. That's the key. I've blogged about it before, it's a value I hold very highly. So think carefully next time your partner says they don't want to talk about something. Or think carefully before you tell your partner that you're fine when you're not. And most of all, think carefully about telling your friends something you haven't yet told the person you're annoyed at!

Me after the final whistle
at White Hart Lane

Well, that's that little rant over. "Pack up your troubles in your old kitbag and smile smile smile" was written in 1915. 98 years later the world is a much different place, let it all out. I've got enough to be packing in my kitbags! Time is slowly ticking after a fantastic weekend in London with school friends Shaun Wills and Ben Cajee, and the euphoria surrounding being at White Hart Lane for Tottenham's brilliant victory over hated rivals Arsenal. In all likelihood that will be the last time I go to White Hart Lane because the new stadium is under construction and I won't be making the trip from Sydney to see Spurs any time soon. Next up, The Darkness on Thursday night in Hammersmith with Matt. (Incidentally, Matt's blog is always worth a read too. Here is a link if you fancy it.)

Thursday 7th March 2013, Hammersmith Apollo

It's now less than two weeks until I leave England behind and go to live in Jess's native Australia. So much to do, so little time. If my visa hadn't come through early, my calendar states that today would be 39 days away from Visa grant day. Not long when you think about it, but I think the visa came through at the perfect time really. Four and a half months since I saw my fiancée, I don't think my need to be with her can be underestimated. See you soon, Jess. xxxxxxxx

It's Actually Happening!

12th September 2005... 24th August 2009... 27th December 2010... 7th January 2011... 29th April 2012. Some of the best days of my life for various reasons. Now I can add Monday 11th February 2013 to that list. I cannot believe I am sitting here writing this, but I have been granted my Provisional Partner Visa. I am now legally able to live and work in Australia, and more importantly it means I can begin my life with my beautiful Fiancée properly.

Since the visa grant letter came through last Monday I have been in a bit of a daze. I've not known where to start, what to do or where to go and indeed on Tuesday I had some kind of stomach upset and was forced to take the day off work. I spent the rest of the day in bed and actually slept which is most unlike me. When I got out of bed again at 5:20pm I felt very weak on my feet, very drained and very light headed. Could it have been nerves? Could it have been a result of one can of lager the previous evening having not touched alcohol in over a month? Either way, it wasn't nice. But slowly it began to dawn on me. My time here in my homeland is drawing to a close.

And so the final stages begin. I have already notified my employers, and I have begun to pack. It is very difficult to know exactly what to pack and what to leave behind. Ironically I haven't actually booked my flights just yet. Qantas are increasing their baggage allowance for tickets booked after 26th February so that extra 2 weeks of saving for the flight makes things a little bit easier. My family of course want to come to Heathrow with me, and so I'm trying to wait to see when everyone is off work and able to come. Sounds like a couple of mates want to come too, so it's going to be emotional and I'm not sure I'm ready for that!

It's all a little surreal... Every time I've been to Australia before I have done so knowing when I would be back in the UK. As much as Australia already feels like a home to me, it makes me nervous that I don't know when I'll see certain people again. It makes me nervous that I don't know when I'll be back in England again. For all the things that are wrong with Great Britain there are an awful lot of things that are right about the place and I am so proud to be English. The last couple of days we have been bathed in glorious sunshine and that's when England makes me proud.

The sunshine brings out the positivity in people, it brings out smiles, it brings out beautiful people, it brings out activity. Spring is almost here, and ironically I'm just about to leave for another winter! My first Australian winter, surely the mere fact that "cold" in Australia is still double-figure temperatures means that it won't be too bad at all, easier to acclimatise. One thing is for certain. I just can't wait to get there!

Short Blog: Have I Turned A Corner?

I find myself asking if metaphorically and meteorologically I have dealt with the last of the icy coldness. You all know about my dislike of the cold weather but even I have to say that the snow in our part of the country has had a beauty to it and has made the scenery look stunning. Winter usually leaves our countryside looking so bleak and dull that when a short period of whiteness covers the landscape the only thing we can think of is how stunningly beautiful it looks. I'd be less than truthful if I said I would like to experience another English winter, because in all honesty I can't wait to be in a hot country. Metaphorically speaking, the coldness relates to certain individuals and my encounters with them in the last week have finally made me believe that I am getting over them and their lies, and the effect just seeing them had on me.

Usually when I see these people a surge of anger and hatred flows through my veins and my heart rate increases drastically. On Tuesday from a distance I passed one of them in the car, no increase in heart rate and I brushed it off with a simple single-worded insult under my breath. She didn't see me. Subconsciously I have always been on the lookout wherever I am just in case I run into these people because neither party is supposed to have or initiate contact. On more than a few occasions they have caused a scene when I've done as advised and walked away. Amazing what lengths people will go to try and get a rise out of others.

The following day at a Petrol Station as I was walking out after paying, there she was... In the middle of the shop, staring at me. After being categorically told not to talk to me or my family after the last altercation over a year before, she stood there in silence, didn't dare open her mouth. I didn't give her chance to. I didn't break stride, I had no increase in heart rate and my only outlet was to smile as I broke eye-contact and let out a small "heh" under my breath as I turned away and walked out of the door without looking back. Dismissive? I'd like to think so. I don't care how she saw it. The only possible negative is that despite always looking around and being aware of what is around me I was unaware of her presence until she was 2 yards away from me. The positive is that because it was a surprise it makes it even more satisfying that there was no increase in heart rate or even the flow of hatred. I feel progress was made.

As I get closer and closer to Australia I am feeling more and more positive. Perhaps the general improvement in weather and the days lengthening here in the UK will aid that positivity as we head towards Spring? Could the dismissive nature of the last week mean I am finally learning how to brush things off rather than let them get to me? I really hope so, and I hope that I can mentally programme myself to be better and do better things. Actually, I don't just hope, I believe I can and I believe I will. As a child you're always told to ignore the bullies, ignore the bad things and they will go away. It's not strictly true but the principle is correct. I can ignore the negative people and eventually the negativity goes away and is replaced by all the positive things. Shutting things out isn't always the best way to deal with things but there's always an exception to the rule and this may be it. Could this be the time when I have finally released my demons? That would be truly satisfying.

Snow, Ice, Sacrifice

So while Australia fights off the bushfires and the record high temperatures, England gets snow, ice and a public transport system that still can't deal with it despite having it for the last 3 winters in a row, and pretty much every year in history. People continue to be stupid when snow appears, people continue to try to drive where they shouldn't and they get stuck. Doing it once? Forgiveable. Doing it multiple times? You're an idiot. Learn from your mistakes.

I mentioned before that a way of helping time pass is to have things to look forward to, breaking the time down. This is a technique that Jess has taught me. I've added another event to that... I am going to see Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal on 3rd March. It's the biggest game you could possibly go to as a Spurs fan and let's face it, I'm not going to get that chance again so I planned to go with a couple of mates. Unfortunately Spurs have a policy where for the first week members like me can only buy one ticket, then after that week you can buy guest tickets. By the time the opportunity came around to buy guest tickets, the stadium had already completely sold out. Looks like I'm going to a North London derby on my own. I'll have to have my wits about me.

Just 4 days later I'll be going to see The Darkness with my brother-from-a-different-mother (and father), Matt. I have asked a few other mates if they'd like to come too because in all likelihood that'll be the last thing I can do in the UK with a bunch of mates. Obviously The Darkness aren't everyone's cup of tea, but to be with my mates at a concert with my favourite band? Can't be many better ways to leave the country. But the real dilemma is what I can do to assist the countdown during February. January is almost out of the way, and next Saturday is Australia Day. Not widely celebrated in the UK, of course, but I think it's only appropriate that I wear something with an Australian theme! But February is empty. There's Valentine's Day, but how can I celebrate that when my Valentine isn't here? We'll have our own Valentine's when we see each other again.

The countdown continues with just 81 days until decision day. Since my last blog I have learnt that people who applied for the same visa AFTER me have been told to expect theirs BEFORE me. If this was a one off, I could understand it because maybe there were special circumstances. But what I have learnt is that MULTIPLE applicants that applied after me are getting theirs before, AND they are normal applicants like me that have no special circumstances to consider! The only difference is the case officers handling the cases. It seems mine is sticking to the 9 month line where others are fortunate enough to have theirs granted already in some cases, and as soon as next month in others. Of course I realise there isn't a whole lot I can do about that but I think that I might call in February to find out what I can. Perhaps that can be my February event to look forward to?

I think it's natural to have doubts about things in life. I think it's natural to worry. Perhaps that's because all I do is worry. I worry about finding work in Australia, I worry about Jess constantly for a number of different reasons, I worry about something bad happening in the UK when I'm out in Australia and how I would deal with that or if I'd be able to come back if I needed to. Right now I worry about something bad happening in Australia while I'm stuck here in the UK. But do I have doubts? Yes I do, though none at all about being with Jess. There is no doubt in my mind that I should be with her, she should be with me. My doubts are about things beyond my control and to let go of those doubts and fears is proving to be the ultimate sacrifice. To end this post on a positive note, I am not allowing those doubts to consume me in any way. They are still there but I won't allow them to take control. I won't allow anything to come between Jess and me, I won't allow anyone to come between Jess and me. 81 and counting.

New Year, Apologies, Progression and No More Stupidity!

Seeing out 2012 in a
fantastic location

Christmas is out of the way! New Year is done! And it has been busy enough although I found Christmas to be something of an anti-climax without Jess. It didn't feel special given that it was possibly the last one I'd spend in England. It all seemed to be out of the way very quickly and after it was over, on the spur of the moment I went to Cheshire to surprise my Grandparents. They were surprised, and they reacted well which made it worthwhile for me. I stayed with Dad's brother (who came down to Devon for Christmas with my Aunt) and he took me Clay-Pigeon shooting. The first time I'd ever picked up a gun, I hit 49 out of 100 so I'm happy with that and I did enjoy it. It took me a while to get used to firing the gun and because I wasn't holding it correctly to begin with I ended up with a huge bruise around my shoulder and forearm! I hope to get one more visit to Cheshire in before the visa is granted.

Daylight hits London for
the first time in 2013

Once I was home in Devon there was almost no chance to rest! Simon Fairlie arrived from Australia for a few days. Well, he'd actually arrived from New York where he'd spent Christmas with his brother but after the UK it was home to Australia for him. Myself, Matt and Simon all took the journey to London for New Year and stayed in a fantastic house belonging to a friend of Simon's, overlooking The Thames, Tower Bridge and the Shard. Unfortunately when midnight came around we could see almost nothing of the fireworks, but I started 2012 in London with my fiancée and finished 2012 in London with my 'brother' and a good mate. What more could I ask for?

Myself, Fez and Flash at
White Hart Lane

On New Year's Day I woke up just as the first rays of light of 2013 were glowing. The view was gorgeous and I had to take the camera and get some snaps. Later we went to Tottenham Hotspur and watched Spurs beat Reading 3-1 at White Hart Lane. Of course this was brilliant for me, not so much for a school friend of mine and Matt's. Our friend Sam was sat in the away section with the Reading fans as her 'awesome guitarist' friend supports Reading. We all met up for a quick drink before Matt and I headed home to Devon. Simon was off to Brighton the next day so got to stay an extra night in the beautiful house. Imagine having that view on a daily basis!

There are always clichés when January comes around, especially concerning New Years and New Starts. As much as I dislike these throwaway lines it has to be the case for me in 2013. My blog entries in 2012 all revolved around my past and things that haunted me and I'm not going to categorically say right now that this year will be completely different, but I am in a rare state of feeling content at the moment. I do cringe about a lot of the things I have said and done in the past and the effect it has had, even to the extent where I've offended people and rather than show humility I've been stubborn and stuck to my guns. Sticking with a principle is one thing but if you look back a few years down the line and think "I was wrong" or "I wish I'd done that differently" then perhaps being more balanced in your views and expressions in future is the lesson you can take from that.

Michael Jackson at the
02 Arena, London
5th March 2009

I've mentioned my horror year personally in 2008-09 several times. There are a few things I did during that period where I probably lost a lot of respect from people. I do wish I'd handled things differently that year but hindsight is always perfect. The mental state I was in that summer was worse than I can describe to you and I had one glimmer of light that I was looking forward to; Michael Jackson's This Is It concerts. I had tickets to go with my friends. 4 weeks before our concert he died and my reaction was so over the top I am embarrassed about it to this day and is one of the things I cringe about. Because of everything else that had been taken away from me that year, this was the final straw and I broke. Unfortunately for me I did it very publicly and I am hugely embarrassed by it. I wish I hadn't reacted the way I did, but I can't change that now. All I can do is explain that I wasn't myself and went WAY too far. It's not an excuse, it's an explanation.

During that time I said some stupid things, and in subsequent years I have said some stupid things too. As always happens when someone dies there are people out there very quick to make jokes about it, and because of the high regard I had for my favourite artist I was extremely outspoken about these jokes against him. 2 years later I turned into a complete hypocrite and spouted out a lot of disrespectful things about Amy Winehouse when she died. I couldn't believe people were comparing Michael Jackson with Amy Winehouse, there is simply no contest. Jackson wins every time. I jumped on the bandwagon of making jokes about her death. After damning those showing such disrespect to one artist, to then show the same disrespect to another in the same way was stupid of me to say the least. I was heavily criticised (with hindsight, rightly so) however it was the people criticising I took exception to, and I even fell out with a few friends and even my cousin(s) over it and they haven't been the same since. It is a shame because I used to get on with them extremely well and while I'm not solely responsible for the fallout, I am not afraid to admit what I did wrong. I do hope to see them and make amends before I leave for Australia but I have don't think that they have any desire to see me.

I've done stupid things elsewhere too. During my first trip to Australia in 2006, I was invited to a party hosted by a mate of Mark Fairlie (Simon's brother, now in NYC). It was literally only a couple of weeks into the trip, I'd only just met the cricket guys so should have been more aware of making impressions. It was in an apartment block several floors up and I had my bottle of beer. I can't remember how the conversation came around to it but I think I asked where the bin was. Clifty said "Dunno mate, there's a few bins down there" while pointing down to the ground on the street "but I don't thi... Oh, no..." At this moment for some unknown reason I decided that's where the bottle should go and nonchalantly threw it over the balcony to the bins in the garden/street below without thinking and wandered to the fridge for the next one.

With Clifty in 2010...
and special input from David Gracie

Within a minute Clifty had grabbed me, taken me to the balcony, pointed down and told me not only was the bottle made of glass, but there were 3 police officers at ground level who suddenly want to speak to the party hosts. Apparently they were there when the bottle hit the deck too. Unbelievable stupidity and irresponsible behaviour from this 20 year old, someone could have been seriously hurt or even killed. I knew that's the kind of thing I shouldn't do, but I did it. And I still don't know why! It goes without saying I won't ever do it again. No, the police didn't speak to me in case you wondered. Thankfully. Other stupid things are pretty "blonde moment" in status. Trying to dry my hands under a soap dispenser... Describing something as an "Upside-down 'W'..." (Why not just say an 'M'?!) or even smacking myself in the face with a bin lid. Don't ask... too funny.

Humility is a quality everyone should have and if I had to make that cliché they call a New Year's Resolution I would make mine to be more humble and understanding, and less stubborn. And less stupid. 2013 is going to be a complete upheaval in my life because in just 96 days my life will change completely. Of course I've been to Australia before but always in the knowledge I would be coming back to England. This time it's an "if" rather than a "when" and because of that there is a certain amount of trepidation. Perhaps this change of scenery will bring a change of attitude, a different outlook on life, a new beginning or another phrase used so often it's lost it's meaning. When that visa comes through I have no idea how I'll react. At least I'll have a positive life-changing moment to cherish and then work must begin on planning our wedding. Here's a phrase that won't lose it's meaning... Our wedding day will be the happiest day of our lives. I cannot wait.

96 days and counting!