12th September 2005... 24th August 2009... 27th December 2010... 7th January 2011... 29th April 2012. Some of the best days of my life for various reasons. Now I can add Monday 11th February 2013 to that list. I cannot believe I am sitting here writing this, but I have been granted my Provisional Partner Visa. I am now legally able to live and work in Australia, and more importantly it means I can begin my life with my beautiful Fiancée properly.
Since the visa grant letter came through last Monday I have been in a bit of a daze. I've not known where to start, what to do or where to go and indeed on Tuesday I had some kind of stomach upset and was forced to take the day off work. I spent the rest of the day in bed and actually slept which is most unlike me. When I got out of bed again at 5:20pm I felt very weak on my feet, very drained and very light headed. Could it have been nerves? Could it have been a result of one can of lager the previous evening having not touched alcohol in over a month? Either way, it wasn't nice. But slowly it began to dawn on me. My time here in my homeland is drawing to a close.
And so the final stages begin. I have already notified my employers, and I have begun to pack. It is very difficult to know exactly what to pack and what to leave behind. Ironically I haven't actually booked my flights just yet. Qantas are increasing their baggage allowance for tickets booked after 26th February so that extra 2 weeks of saving for the flight makes things a little bit easier. My family of course want to come to Heathrow with me, and so I'm trying to wait to see when everyone is off work and able to come. Sounds like a couple of mates want to come too, so it's going to be emotional and I'm not sure I'm ready for that!
It's all a little surreal... Every time I've been to Australia before I have done so knowing when I would be back in the UK. As much as Australia already feels like a home to me, it makes me nervous that I don't know when I'll see certain people again. It makes me nervous that I don't know when I'll be back in England again. For all the things that are wrong with Great Britain there are an awful lot of things that are right about the place and I am so proud to be English. The last couple of days we have been bathed in glorious sunshine and that's when England makes me proud.
The sunshine brings out the positivity in people, it brings out smiles, it brings out beautiful people, it brings out activity. Spring is almost here, and ironically I'm just about to leave for another winter! My first Australian winter, surely the mere fact that "cold" in Australia is still double-figure temperatures means that it won't be too bad at all, easier to acclimatise. One thing is for certain. I just can't wait to get there!
Wednesday, 20 February 2013
Monday, 28 January 2013
Short Blog: Have I Turned A Corner?
I find myself asking if metaphorically and meteorologically I have dealt with the last of the icy coldness. You all know about my dislike of the cold weather but even I have to say that the snow in our part of the country has had a beauty to it and has made the scenery look stunning. Winter usually leaves our countryside looking so bleak and dull that when a short period of whiteness covers the landscape the only thing we can think of is how stunningly beautiful it looks. I'd be less than truthful if I said I would like to experience another English winter, because in all honesty I can't wait to be in a hot country. Metaphorically speaking, the coldness relates to certain individuals and my encounters with them in the last week have finally made me believe that I am getting over them and their lies, and the effect just seeing them had on me.
Usually when I see these people a surge of anger and hatred flows through my veins and my heart rate increases drastically. On Tuesday from a distance I passed one of them in the car, no increase in heart rate and I brushed it off with a simple single-worded insult under my breath. She didn't see me. Subconsciously I have always been on the lookout wherever I am just in case I run into these people because neither party is supposed to have or initiate contact. On more than a few occasions they have caused a scene when I've done as advised and walked away. Amazing what lengths people will go to try and get a rise out of others.
The following day at a Petrol Station as I was walking out after paying, there she was... In the middle of the shop, staring at me. After being categorically told not to talk to me or my family after the last altercation over a year before, she stood there in silence, didn't dare open her mouth. I didn't give her chance to. I didn't break stride, I had no increase in heart rate and my only outlet was to smile as I broke eye-contact and let out a small "heh" under my breath as I turned away and walked out of the door without looking back. Dismissive? I'd like to think so. I don't care how she saw it. The only possible negative is that despite always looking around and being aware of what is around me I was unaware of her presence until she was 2 yards away from me. The positive is that because it was a surprise it makes it even more satisfying that there was no increase in heart rate or even the flow of hatred. I feel progress was made.
As I get closer and closer to Australia I am feeling more and more positive. Perhaps the general improvement in weather and the days lengthening here in the UK will aid that positivity as we head towards Spring? Could the dismissive nature of the last week mean I am finally learning how to brush things off rather than let them get to me? I really hope so, and I hope that I can mentally programme myself to be better and do better things. Actually, I don't just hope, I believe I can and I believe I will. As a child you're always told to ignore the bullies, ignore the bad things and they will go away. It's not strictly true but the principle is correct. I can ignore the negative people and eventually the negativity goes away and is replaced by all the positive things. Shutting things out isn't always the best way to deal with things but there's always an exception to the rule and this may be it. Could this be the time when I have finally released my demons? That would be truly satisfying.
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Snow, Ice, Sacrifice
So while Australia fights off the bushfires and the record high temperatures, England gets snow, ice and a public transport system that still can't deal with it despite having it for the last 3 winters in a row, and pretty much every year in history. People continue to be stupid when snow appears, people continue to try to drive where they shouldn't and they get stuck. Doing it once? Forgiveable. Doing it multiple times? You're an idiot. Learn from your mistakes.
I mentioned before that a way of helping time pass is to have things to look forward to, breaking the time down. This is a technique that Jess has taught me. I've added another event to that... I am going to see Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal on 3rd March. It's the biggest game you could possibly go to as a Spurs fan and let's face it, I'm not going to get that chance again so I planned to go with a couple of mates. Unfortunately Spurs have a policy where for the first week members like me can only buy one ticket, then after that week you can buy guest tickets. By the time the opportunity came around to buy guest tickets, the stadium had already completely sold out. Looks like I'm going to a North London derby on my own. I'll have to have my wits about me.
Just 4 days later I'll be going to see The Darkness with my brother-from-a-different-mother (and father), Matt. I have asked a few other mates if they'd like to come too because in all likelihood that'll be the last thing I can do in the UK with a bunch of mates. Obviously The Darkness aren't everyone's cup of tea, but to be with my mates at a concert with my favourite band? Can't be many better ways to leave the country. But the real dilemma is what I can do to assist the countdown during February. January is almost out of the way, and next Saturday is Australia Day. Not widely celebrated in the UK, of course, but I think it's only appropriate that I wear something with an Australian theme! But February is empty. There's Valentine's Day, but how can I celebrate that when my Valentine isn't here? We'll have our own Valentine's when we see each other again.
The countdown continues with just 81 days until decision day. Since my last blog I have learnt that people who applied for the same visa AFTER me have been told to expect theirs BEFORE me. If this was a one off, I could understand it because maybe there were special circumstances. But what I have learnt is that MULTIPLE applicants that applied after me are getting theirs before, AND they are normal applicants like me that have no special circumstances to consider! The only difference is the case officers handling the cases. It seems mine is sticking to the 9 month line where others are fortunate enough to have theirs granted already in some cases, and as soon as next month in others. Of course I realise there isn't a whole lot I can do about that but I think that I might call in February to find out what I can. Perhaps that can be my February event to look forward to?
I think it's natural to have doubts about things in life. I think it's natural to worry. Perhaps that's because all I do is worry. I worry about finding work in Australia, I worry about Jess constantly for a number of different reasons, I worry about something bad happening in the UK when I'm out in Australia and how I would deal with that or if I'd be able to come back if I needed to. Right now I worry about something bad happening in Australia while I'm stuck here in the UK. But do I have doubts? Yes I do, though none at all about being with Jess. There is no doubt in my mind that I should be with her, she should be with me. My doubts are about things beyond my control and to let go of those doubts and fears is proving to be the ultimate sacrifice. To end this post on a positive note, I am not allowing those doubts to consume me in any way. They are still there but I won't allow them to take control. I won't allow anything to come between Jess and me, I won't allow anyone to come between Jess and me. 81 and counting.
I mentioned before that a way of helping time pass is to have things to look forward to, breaking the time down. This is a technique that Jess has taught me. I've added another event to that... I am going to see Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal on 3rd March. It's the biggest game you could possibly go to as a Spurs fan and let's face it, I'm not going to get that chance again so I planned to go with a couple of mates. Unfortunately Spurs have a policy where for the first week members like me can only buy one ticket, then after that week you can buy guest tickets. By the time the opportunity came around to buy guest tickets, the stadium had already completely sold out. Looks like I'm going to a North London derby on my own. I'll have to have my wits about me.
Just 4 days later I'll be going to see The Darkness with my brother-from-a-different-mother (and father), Matt. I have asked a few other mates if they'd like to come too because in all likelihood that'll be the last thing I can do in the UK with a bunch of mates. Obviously The Darkness aren't everyone's cup of tea, but to be with my mates at a concert with my favourite band? Can't be many better ways to leave the country. But the real dilemma is what I can do to assist the countdown during February. January is almost out of the way, and next Saturday is Australia Day. Not widely celebrated in the UK, of course, but I think it's only appropriate that I wear something with an Australian theme! But February is empty. There's Valentine's Day, but how can I celebrate that when my Valentine isn't here? We'll have our own Valentine's when we see each other again.
The countdown continues with just 81 days until decision day. Since my last blog I have learnt that people who applied for the same visa AFTER me have been told to expect theirs BEFORE me. If this was a one off, I could understand it because maybe there were special circumstances. But what I have learnt is that MULTIPLE applicants that applied after me are getting theirs before, AND they are normal applicants like me that have no special circumstances to consider! The only difference is the case officers handling the cases. It seems mine is sticking to the 9 month line where others are fortunate enough to have theirs granted already in some cases, and as soon as next month in others. Of course I realise there isn't a whole lot I can do about that but I think that I might call in February to find out what I can. Perhaps that can be my February event to look forward to?
I think it's natural to have doubts about things in life. I think it's natural to worry. Perhaps that's because all I do is worry. I worry about finding work in Australia, I worry about Jess constantly for a number of different reasons, I worry about something bad happening in the UK when I'm out in Australia and how I would deal with that or if I'd be able to come back if I needed to. Right now I worry about something bad happening in Australia while I'm stuck here in the UK. But do I have doubts? Yes I do, though none at all about being with Jess. There is no doubt in my mind that I should be with her, she should be with me. My doubts are about things beyond my control and to let go of those doubts and fears is proving to be the ultimate sacrifice. To end this post on a positive note, I am not allowing those doubts to consume me in any way. They are still there but I won't allow them to take control. I won't allow anything to come between Jess and me, I won't allow anyone to come between Jess and me. 81 and counting.
Monday, 7 January 2013
New Year, Apologies, Progression and No More Stupidity!
 |
| Seeing out 2012 in a fantastic location |
 |
| Daylight hits London for the first time in 2013 |
 |
| Myself, Fez and Flash at White Hart Lane |
There are always clichés when January comes around, especially concerning New Years and New Starts. As much as I dislike these throwaway lines it has to be the case for me in 2013. My blog entries in 2012 all revolved around my past and things that haunted me and I'm not going to categorically say right now that this year will be completely different, but I am in a rare state of feeling content at the moment. I do cringe about a lot of the things I have said and done in the past and the effect it has had, even to the extent where I've offended people and rather than show humility I've been stubborn and stuck to my guns. Sticking with a principle is one thing but if you look back a few years down the line and think "I was wrong" or "I wish I'd done that differently" then perhaps being more balanced in your views and expressions in future is the lesson you can take from that.
 |
| Michael Jackson at the 02 Arena, London 5th March 2009 |
During that time I said some stupid things, and in subsequent years I have said some stupid things too. As always happens when someone dies there are people out there very quick to make jokes about it, and because of the high regard I had for my favourite artist I was extremely outspoken about these jokes against him. 2 years later I turned into a complete hypocrite and spouted out a lot of disrespectful things about Amy Winehouse when she died. I couldn't believe people were comparing Michael Jackson with Amy Winehouse, there is simply no contest. Jackson wins every time. I jumped on the bandwagon of making jokes about her death. After damning those showing such disrespect to one artist, to then show the same disrespect to another in the same way was stupid of me to say the least. I was heavily criticised (with hindsight, rightly so) however it was the people criticising I took exception to, and I even fell out with a few friends and even my cousin(s) over it and they haven't been the same since. It is a shame because I used to get on with them extremely well and while I'm not solely responsible for the fallout, I am not afraid to admit what I did wrong. I do hope to see them and make amends before I leave for Australia but I have don't think that they have any desire to see me.
I've done stupid things elsewhere too. During my first trip to Australia in 2006, I was invited to a party hosted by a mate of Mark Fairlie (Simon's brother, now in NYC). It was literally only a couple of weeks into the trip, I'd only just met the cricket guys so should have been more aware of making impressions. It was in an apartment block several floors up and I had my bottle of beer. I can't remember how the conversation came around to it but I think I asked where the bin was. Clifty said "Dunno mate, there's a few bins down there" while pointing down to the ground on the street "but I don't thi... Oh, no..." At this moment for some unknown reason I decided that's where the bottle should go and nonchalantly threw it over the balcony to the bins in the garden/street below without thinking and wandered to the fridge for the next one.
 |
| With Clifty in 2010... and special input from David Gracie |
Humility is a quality everyone should have and if I had to make that cliché they call a New Year's Resolution I would make mine to be more humble and understanding, and less stubborn. And less stupid. 2013 is going to be a complete upheaval in my life because in just 96 days my life will change completely. Of course I've been to Australia before but always in the knowledge I would be coming back to England. This time it's an "if" rather than a "when" and because of that there is a certain amount of trepidation. Perhaps this change of scenery will bring a change of attitude, a different outlook on life, a new beginning or another phrase used so often it's lost it's meaning. When that visa comes through I have no idea how I'll react. At least I'll have a positive life-changing moment to cherish and then work must begin on planning our wedding. Here's a phrase that won't lose it's meaning... Our wedding day will be the happiest day of our lives. I cannot wait.
96 days and counting!
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Emotionless Pre-Christmas Blogging!
In my last blog I touched on the subject of secrecy, lying and trust. Judging from the reaction I received from all quarters about it, it seems to have touched a nerve in many ways. Friends who have been lied to themselves said it really summed up how they felt about their friends and partners, and in a way that satisfied me. Not necessarily because other people have suffered at other people's lies too, but because it means that what I said actually reached someone, or even multiple people. I wouldn't say I've been particularly respected by many people other than the Macquarie University Cricket Club players during my two seasons there, especially the year I was Captain. So to hear people not only take notice of what I've said, but to agree with it is very humbling.
I do see myself as a leader but in order to lead you have to have the respect of your followers and be a big enough character to actually lead. I had dreamed of Captaining the 1st XI at Bovey Tracey CC since I was about 11 years old but by the time I was into my twenties it was clear I wasn't going to get the required level of respect from the rest of the players. I got on well with all of my team-mates but they looked to the bigger leaders like the Bradley brothers or overseas players. I'm fine with that, I think it's better to realise that I wasn't respected enough there than to try too hard to gain that respect. MUCC was different though, now I was the overseas and big things were expected of me and before I even arrived I had respect. During the first training sessions it was evident that I was being looked up to by the players all vying for selection and I feel I thrived in that position, and always will enjoy leading.
There are times that the only person you need to lead is yourself. New Year's Resolution's are all well and good but I've already made a couple to myself and of course they are the standard ones we say and never actually do. I don't really have anything to stop me though, so from New Year's Day until I organise some kind of gathering to say goodbye to my English friends and life I won't be touching alcohol. This is linked into my other vague promise to get fit. I haven't decided for sure how to do that just yet but I am looking at a few options that any of you that know me probably wouldn't associate me with! I would like to lose a little more weight and I believe that by doing so I can reinvent myself into the man I was in my early twenties.
But before all of that comes what could be my last ever Christmas in my home country. I say "could" because I hold a very faint hope that in future years Jess and I will be able to come over sometimes for Christmas, but it certainly wouldn't be a regular thing and without getting too far ahead of ourselves by the time that may be able to happen we could have children in tow! Logistically that could take it's toll. I think it's best we cross that bridge when we come to it.
This year, my parents and I will be joined by my Dad's brother (Remember the one with the aversion to the word "Uncle"?) and my Aunt, and on Boxing Day my sister and her family will be with us too. It doesn't really seem like Christmas in the same way it did last year because Jess hasn't been here to put the decorations up. A modest little Christmas tree on top of a set of drawers is all there is in our house that signifies it might be Christmas Time! As a result that also means it doesn't feel like it's my last Christmas in the UK. I'm not really sure how I'm going to feel during the day, I have some numbness about it all. Last year I was very content, I had my fiancée and my family around me, the decorations were up, it was all very special. This year it's all a little... empty. And the only difference is that Jess isn't here.
I still have massive excitement for getting over to Australia and starting my new life, but there are things to do here first. My good friend Simon Fairlie is coming over from Australia to visit for a few days. He's been to Devon before, in fact I think he was the second of my Australian team-mates to make the trip to visit me in England way back in 2007/08! He is currently visiting his brother Mark in New York for Christmas, how special that must be! He must be loving life, Christmas in New York with his family, New Year in London with his friends! Yes, that's right... London for New Year is confirmed! I'll be waving goodbye to 2012 in the same city I saw it in. And on New Year's Day the three of us (Simon, myself and my Brother-From-Another-Mother; Matt Pascoe) will be at White Hart Lane for Spurs v Reading. The form from Tottenham this year can best be described as inconsistant! I hope they put in a winning performance for us!
As mentioned before, I feel slightly empty at the moment. I am very happy to have a couple of weeks off work because even if I say so myself I have worked bloody hard and put a lot of hours in over the last few months. I feel I've earnt the rest and the chance to recharge my batteries. Perhaps that's why this entry doesn't seem to have much emotion... Perhaps that's even a good thing. Once Christmas comes though and it finally hits me that it is my last Christmas in England, then all the memories will come flooding back. I might even go and dig out some home videos.
I'd like to wish anyone that reads this a very Merry Christmas. I hope you get everything you want from it and I hope that those of you lucky enough to have your loved ones close by do not take that for granted.
I've said it before, I'll say it a million times more. Jess, I love you. I cannot wait to be back with you. I'm going to miss you terribly this Christmas, but there is some comfort in the fact that after this we will never be apart for Christmas again. (There you go, there was some emotion in this entry!) xxxxxxxxxxxx
PS. We survived the apocalypse. WHAT a surprise(!)
I do see myself as a leader but in order to lead you have to have the respect of your followers and be a big enough character to actually lead. I had dreamed of Captaining the 1st XI at Bovey Tracey CC since I was about 11 years old but by the time I was into my twenties it was clear I wasn't going to get the required level of respect from the rest of the players. I got on well with all of my team-mates but they looked to the bigger leaders like the Bradley brothers or overseas players. I'm fine with that, I think it's better to realise that I wasn't respected enough there than to try too hard to gain that respect. MUCC was different though, now I was the overseas and big things were expected of me and before I even arrived I had respect. During the first training sessions it was evident that I was being looked up to by the players all vying for selection and I feel I thrived in that position, and always will enjoy leading.
There are times that the only person you need to lead is yourself. New Year's Resolution's are all well and good but I've already made a couple to myself and of course they are the standard ones we say and never actually do. I don't really have anything to stop me though, so from New Year's Day until I organise some kind of gathering to say goodbye to my English friends and life I won't be touching alcohol. This is linked into my other vague promise to get fit. I haven't decided for sure how to do that just yet but I am looking at a few options that any of you that know me probably wouldn't associate me with! I would like to lose a little more weight and I believe that by doing so I can reinvent myself into the man I was in my early twenties.
But before all of that comes what could be my last ever Christmas in my home country. I say "could" because I hold a very faint hope that in future years Jess and I will be able to come over sometimes for Christmas, but it certainly wouldn't be a regular thing and without getting too far ahead of ourselves by the time that may be able to happen we could have children in tow! Logistically that could take it's toll. I think it's best we cross that bridge when we come to it.
This year, my parents and I will be joined by my Dad's brother (Remember the one with the aversion to the word "Uncle"?) and my Aunt, and on Boxing Day my sister and her family will be with us too. It doesn't really seem like Christmas in the same way it did last year because Jess hasn't been here to put the decorations up. A modest little Christmas tree on top of a set of drawers is all there is in our house that signifies it might be Christmas Time! As a result that also means it doesn't feel like it's my last Christmas in the UK. I'm not really sure how I'm going to feel during the day, I have some numbness about it all. Last year I was very content, I had my fiancée and my family around me, the decorations were up, it was all very special. This year it's all a little... empty. And the only difference is that Jess isn't here.
I still have massive excitement for getting over to Australia and starting my new life, but there are things to do here first. My good friend Simon Fairlie is coming over from Australia to visit for a few days. He's been to Devon before, in fact I think he was the second of my Australian team-mates to make the trip to visit me in England way back in 2007/08! He is currently visiting his brother Mark in New York for Christmas, how special that must be! He must be loving life, Christmas in New York with his family, New Year in London with his friends! Yes, that's right... London for New Year is confirmed! I'll be waving goodbye to 2012 in the same city I saw it in. And on New Year's Day the three of us (Simon, myself and my Brother-From-Another-Mother; Matt Pascoe) will be at White Hart Lane for Spurs v Reading. The form from Tottenham this year can best be described as inconsistant! I hope they put in a winning performance for us!
As mentioned before, I feel slightly empty at the moment. I am very happy to have a couple of weeks off work because even if I say so myself I have worked bloody hard and put a lot of hours in over the last few months. I feel I've earnt the rest and the chance to recharge my batteries. Perhaps that's why this entry doesn't seem to have much emotion... Perhaps that's even a good thing. Once Christmas comes though and it finally hits me that it is my last Christmas in England, then all the memories will come flooding back. I might even go and dig out some home videos.
I'd like to wish anyone that reads this a very Merry Christmas. I hope you get everything you want from it and I hope that those of you lucky enough to have your loved ones close by do not take that for granted.
 |
| Christmas 2011 I love you, Jess. xxxx |
I've said it before, I'll say it a million times more. Jess, I love you. I cannot wait to be back with you. I'm going to miss you terribly this Christmas, but there is some comfort in the fact that after this we will never be apart for Christmas again. (There you go, there was some emotion in this entry!) xxxxxxxxxxxx
PS. We survived the apocalypse. WHAT a surprise(!)
Saturday, 15 December 2012
I Trust You Won't Lie.
It's a question that has a multitude of answers but when asked is still meant rhetorically: Why do people LIE? It could be to gain an advantage over someone or something, it could be to make yourself appear better somehow, it could be to gain sympathy, it could be to cover yourself from something you shouldn't have said or done. But one thing is undeniable; If it is ever found out to be a lie, it's hurtful and incites all sorts of negative emotions.
I heard on the radio a fantastic sound-bite which perfectly sums up how I feel. "If you don't lie, you don't have to remember anything." If you tell a lie to someone and they remember what it was you said, then you give them a different version of events at a later date, it will ring an alarm bell in their head. They'll lose trust for you. In a relationship that can be the start of a downward spiral. In a working relationship it could cost you a customer, supplier or even result in someone getting physically hurt. In a legal matter you could have lost the jury, and if you have lied justice will be done.
Lying, Secrecy, Trust and Love are all linked. If you lie or keep things secret, it will be hard to trust and love you. Some people simply don't like to talk and keep things inside, which can be frustrating if you want to know what they are thinking. It's frustrating because it makes you think there's a secret or they're lying. That in turn reduces the trust and tests the love. So what do you do if you're already open and honest with them as you can be? Stupid as it may sound, you have to trust them. Just because you think there's a secret it doesn't mean there is. However, if you place that trust in them and at a later date find out that it was a lie? Oh, the pain.
It still doesn't answer why people lie. Take false accusations. Let's pull a rabbit out of the hat and say the allegation is, oh I don't know... Child Sexual Abuse. What goes through the accuser's mind before they make that allegation knowing that it's false? Were they put up to it? Why? In the cases of Jordan Chandler and Gavin Arvizo vs Michael Jackson it's simple, they wanted money, or actually more accurately their parents wanted money. The more research you do into the cases, the more you come to KNOW that Michael Jackson was innocent. But in the case of Joe Public, what can they gain by accusing him? Joe Public gets asked to attend a police interview voluntarily, not under arrest. Joe Public answers all the questions and understandably denies the horrifying lie told about him. He completes the whole interview and leaves at the end. He receives a phone call later that day from the Police saying there would be No Further Action. Is that the end of it? Fuuuuuuck, no.
The trouble with lies is they have consequences. Joe Public now can't go out in public without looking over his shoulder for the accuser, or their friends. Who might be after him? That kind of label is something NO man wants. That kind of label has a "no smoke without fire" stigma attached. Joe Public falls ill with stress, gets sent home from his job several times, it affects him at home where he feels trapped and runs it over in his head a million times. Joe spends the cold dark winter months trapped with fear in his own living room. What about the accuser? Oh, they're fine, getting on with their daily business as if nothing has happened. Where's the justice in that?
After several months Joe finally gets the confidence to go out again, finally decides to get back into his favourite sport. Plays a few matches, has a few good performances that mention him in the press. Uh-oh... The press... Exposure. The accuser might see this. Not long after, the accuser goes in for more. Except this time targeting the sport he plays. Suspension pending an investigation. 3 months later the police check comes back clear because he was never arrested or charged, while poor Joe is confined to his living room again. Unable to even attend his sports club, he's going mad with stress and sickness. What about the accuser? Oh, still fine. Life is but a dream.
Finally he's allowed to play again. What's the point? The season is almost finished! Back to that living room, Joe! Time to get away from it all. He contemplates ending it all. He stands with his car keys in one hand, a piece of rope in the other. His head is messed up, yet he hasn't told any lies or done anything wrong but cannot see any way out of this black hole. The accuser? Their head is fine, they're going about things normally, not paying for having told their lie. Joe snaps out of it. If he dies, they win. They've set out to attack him, he won't be beaten. Time for Joe to get away and recharge the batteries.
It takes several years but Joe gets over it. The accuser plays up whenever their path's cross. Joe has to put up with shouts of "Paedo" from kids who witnessed the public confrontations. That "no smoke without fire" stigma. It hangs around like the worst smell imaginable (Old people's care homes, in my opinion). Suddenly Joe's progress in getting over it takes a hit. Back into that living room. He'll recover in time. But the accuser? With nothing to recover from and the freedom to band around such lies is something Joe will never get over.
All that from a simple but devastating lie. Joe had the choice of keeping it from people or telling them the truth. Another sound-bite, this time from the world's most famous innocent man:
I heard on the radio a fantastic sound-bite which perfectly sums up how I feel. "If you don't lie, you don't have to remember anything." If you tell a lie to someone and they remember what it was you said, then you give them a different version of events at a later date, it will ring an alarm bell in their head. They'll lose trust for you. In a relationship that can be the start of a downward spiral. In a working relationship it could cost you a customer, supplier or even result in someone getting physically hurt. In a legal matter you could have lost the jury, and if you have lied justice will be done.
Lying, Secrecy, Trust and Love are all linked. If you lie or keep things secret, it will be hard to trust and love you. Some people simply don't like to talk and keep things inside, which can be frustrating if you want to know what they are thinking. It's frustrating because it makes you think there's a secret or they're lying. That in turn reduces the trust and tests the love. So what do you do if you're already open and honest with them as you can be? Stupid as it may sound, you have to trust them. Just because you think there's a secret it doesn't mean there is. However, if you place that trust in them and at a later date find out that it was a lie? Oh, the pain.
It still doesn't answer why people lie. Take false accusations. Let's pull a rabbit out of the hat and say the allegation is, oh I don't know... Child Sexual Abuse. What goes through the accuser's mind before they make that allegation knowing that it's false? Were they put up to it? Why? In the cases of Jordan Chandler and Gavin Arvizo vs Michael Jackson it's simple, they wanted money, or actually more accurately their parents wanted money. The more research you do into the cases, the more you come to KNOW that Michael Jackson was innocent. But in the case of Joe Public, what can they gain by accusing him? Joe Public gets asked to attend a police interview voluntarily, not under arrest. Joe Public answers all the questions and understandably denies the horrifying lie told about him. He completes the whole interview and leaves at the end. He receives a phone call later that day from the Police saying there would be No Further Action. Is that the end of it? Fuuuuuuck, no.
The trouble with lies is they have consequences. Joe Public now can't go out in public without looking over his shoulder for the accuser, or their friends. Who might be after him? That kind of label is something NO man wants. That kind of label has a "no smoke without fire" stigma attached. Joe Public falls ill with stress, gets sent home from his job several times, it affects him at home where he feels trapped and runs it over in his head a million times. Joe spends the cold dark winter months trapped with fear in his own living room. What about the accuser? Oh, they're fine, getting on with their daily business as if nothing has happened. Where's the justice in that?
After several months Joe finally gets the confidence to go out again, finally decides to get back into his favourite sport. Plays a few matches, has a few good performances that mention him in the press. Uh-oh... The press... Exposure. The accuser might see this. Not long after, the accuser goes in for more. Except this time targeting the sport he plays. Suspension pending an investigation. 3 months later the police check comes back clear because he was never arrested or charged, while poor Joe is confined to his living room again. Unable to even attend his sports club, he's going mad with stress and sickness. What about the accuser? Oh, still fine. Life is but a dream.
Finally he's allowed to play again. What's the point? The season is almost finished! Back to that living room, Joe! Time to get away from it all. He contemplates ending it all. He stands with his car keys in one hand, a piece of rope in the other. His head is messed up, yet he hasn't told any lies or done anything wrong but cannot see any way out of this black hole. The accuser? Their head is fine, they're going about things normally, not paying for having told their lie. Joe snaps out of it. If he dies, they win. They've set out to attack him, he won't be beaten. Time for Joe to get away and recharge the batteries.
It takes several years but Joe gets over it. The accuser plays up whenever their path's cross. Joe has to put up with shouts of "Paedo" from kids who witnessed the public confrontations. That "no smoke without fire" stigma. It hangs around like the worst smell imaginable (Old people's care homes, in my opinion). Suddenly Joe's progress in getting over it takes a hit. Back into that living room. He'll recover in time. But the accuser? With nothing to recover from and the freedom to band around such lies is something Joe will never get over.
All that from a simple but devastating lie. Joe had the choice of keeping it from people or telling them the truth. Another sound-bite, this time from the world's most famous innocent man:
"LIES RUN SPRINTS. THE TRUTH RUNS MARATHONS." - Michael Jackson 2005
So he tells people the truth. He explains what he's been going through and what was said about him. Openness and honesty is always better than keeping things inside and people finding out through other sources. Chinese whispers are vastly inaccurate, whereas the horse's mouth can be trusted in most cases. Joe preferred people hearing it from him than from the rumour mill. That way the truth is guaranteed. Not everyone will be understanding of it, in fact Joe may even lose friends or girlfriends because of it. If that's the case he's better off without them if they can't handle the truth. The important ones stuck around for Joe.
I guess the moral of the story is that even if the truth hurts someone, a lie will hurt them even more. Truth breeds trust, secrecy and lying breeds suspicion. Sometimes trust is misplaced but then if you trust someone that tells you a lie, you are going to get hurt. My problem is that I am too trusting of people in general and sometimes it would be better for me to keep things inside and say nothing. However, just like Joe Public, I've been hurt by lies and honesty really is the best policy. If people are not honest with me in return, they're not really worth bothering with. If people are honest with me but hurt me, at least I know I can trust them. Even if people lie about something but then tell me the truth, I will have more respect for them. Think very carefully the next time you go to tell a lie, however big or small.
Monday, 10 December 2012
Christmas Time... Don't Let The Bells End
The final few weeks of 2012 are upon us. So much has happened this year it is difficult to remember it all clearly! For Jess and I the year began in London and while Jess is back home in Sydney there is a possibility I may end 2012 in London as well. We've had the Olympics, the Golden Jubilee, floods, the Ryder Cup, a brilliant season of Formula 1 and more recently the news of a new addition to the Royal Family and an almost immediate prank from an Australian Radio show and extremely saddening circumstances following that.
Personally I have had a busy year too. Starting the year with my Fiancée in London was a once in a lifetime opportunity for us both and to meet up with two friends from my childhood was fantastic. We had our first Valentine's Day spent together, we went to see Spurs play for the first time (possibly only time together), I had my final season at Bovey Tracey Cricket Club, my grandparents 60th Wedding Anniversary, we had a fantastic holiday to Ireland, Jess went home in September, I had a 2 week visit to Australia in October for the Wedding of the Year and 6 weeks on it's almost Christmas! Last Christmas was the first time Jess and I were in the same place for Christmas Day and whilst I don't like the snow, I really wanted Jess to have a white Christmas. Alas, not to be! This year is our last Christmas apart and while it's possible we may get snow in England it's highly doubtful in Sydney. Although I had a white Christmas near Melbourne in 2006, so never say never!
People will say this year has gone quickly. No it hasn't. It was a leap year, 366 days! It may feel like it has gone quickly but I've said before that time can seem to have GONE quickly, it never seems to GO quickly. Jess had a great way of making the time pass when she was here. She'd want something to look forward to in order to break down the time until she went home. I would have to say it worked very nicely for her and it's probably the biggest reason that Jess and I did many of things we did while she was here. The Irish holiday was an amazing week and accounted for my first real blog entry, and when I look back at photographs and diary entries and things like that it just reminds me that despite all the anguish and pain I've suffered in the last 4 years, I really have been extremely lucky as well. There are some people I know who very very rarely make it out of Bovey Tracey, let alone out of Devon or out of the country. If I look at it like that I can't help but feel fortunate.
It doesn't seem too long ago that Jess was still here in England. It doesn't seem too long ago that I was over in Australia. Relatively speaking, it wasn't that long ago and now the focus is on upcoming events and wondering what 2013 will bring. Firstly, Christmas is just 16 days away. New Year is 23 days away. It's 88 days until Matt and I go to see The Darkness again, in London. And now it's "only" 124 days until the first possible day my visa could come through. Doesn't seem too long ago I blogged with 153 to go.
The realisation is slowly starting to creep in that I will be leaving this beautiful home of mine in England and I will never live here again. I know I've recently done a 2 week trip to Australia, but once I'm there it's not exactly going to be easy to just pop over here again and see people unless I come into an absurd amount of money! 124 days isn't long enough to save up for and do all the things I'd love to do before I go. I've mentioned a pilgrimage to Germany to see where I used to live, I'd love to see Spurs play a few more times, I'd love to see Formula 1 in my home country when I grew up so close to Silverstone. A lot of this will not happen, and so it's the more important things that I need to appreciate while I can. My niece is growing up so fast and is becoming more and more attached to me as she grows up. Naturally I have thought the world of her ever since she was born so leaving my family behind is going to be vastly upsetting.
Ultimately I will have to sacrifice a lot in order to have the life I desire in Australia. The example I look to is my Father. He left his home in Cheshire in order to join the RAF when he was just 16, and while his siblings all still live in Cheshire my Dad has lived all around the UK and overseas in Germany too. He left and got his independance and his own family life miles away from his family and made his home elsewhere. I am doing the same, just a fair bit further away from my family. Dad was 16 when he moved out, I will be 27. A slight difference but perhaps having twice left home for 7 months at a time to the other side of the world I am a little more prepared for how life may be. As much as I am wishing the time away until that day I know that once my last Christmas in Devon is over I'll be wishing that it didn't have to end so soon.
 |
| Christmas Day 2006, Mount Donna Buang, Victoria AUSTRALIA! |
 |
| Jess and I Giant's Causeway |
It doesn't seem too long ago that Jess was still here in England. It doesn't seem too long ago that I was over in Australia. Relatively speaking, it wasn't that long ago and now the focus is on upcoming events and wondering what 2013 will bring. Firstly, Christmas is just 16 days away. New Year is 23 days away. It's 88 days until Matt and I go to see The Darkness again, in London. And now it's "only" 124 days until the first possible day my visa could come through. Doesn't seem too long ago I blogged with 153 to go.
The realisation is slowly starting to creep in that I will be leaving this beautiful home of mine in England and I will never live here again. I know I've recently done a 2 week trip to Australia, but once I'm there it's not exactly going to be easy to just pop over here again and see people unless I come into an absurd amount of money! 124 days isn't long enough to save up for and do all the things I'd love to do before I go. I've mentioned a pilgrimage to Germany to see where I used to live, I'd love to see Spurs play a few more times, I'd love to see Formula 1 in my home country when I grew up so close to Silverstone. A lot of this will not happen, and so it's the more important things that I need to appreciate while I can. My niece is growing up so fast and is becoming more and more attached to me as she grows up. Naturally I have thought the world of her ever since she was born so leaving my family behind is going to be vastly upsetting.
Ultimately I will have to sacrifice a lot in order to have the life I desire in Australia. The example I look to is my Father. He left his home in Cheshire in order to join the RAF when he was just 16, and while his siblings all still live in Cheshire my Dad has lived all around the UK and overseas in Germany too. He left and got his independance and his own family life miles away from his family and made his home elsewhere. I am doing the same, just a fair bit further away from my family. Dad was 16 when he moved out, I will be 27. A slight difference but perhaps having twice left home for 7 months at a time to the other side of the world I am a little more prepared for how life may be. As much as I am wishing the time away until that day I know that once my last Christmas in Devon is over I'll be wishing that it didn't have to end so soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)